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Today the hubby and I once again discussed the idea of having one of us stay at home when we have a kid. I have researched the costs of daycare in San Mateo and it is very expensive. We can definitely afford it but from what I read many infant care facilities are not only expensive, but have extremely long waiting lists. One of the Wise Bread writers I met last week used to live in Redwood City and she said that she signed up to be on the wait list of one of the daycares with a better reputation while she was pregnant and she got a call back when her daughter was two! That’s pretty crazy and makes me want to put myself on the list right now. Anyway, the hubby expressed interest in being a stay at home dad before, and I asked him about it again.

Financially, my income is still above the San Mateo median if we became an one income family. I used our actual incomes and plugged it into this at MSN money. According to the calculator if we lose my hubby’s income but he takes care of our kid we would lose about $12500 a year and that doesn’t seem like all that much. The hubby makes a decent income as a game programmer, but we are taxed quite a bit on that second income so the biggest savings we get is on taxes. I plugged in daycare costs at $1200 a month, but that’s actually a pretty low estimate because apparently for their top of the line on campus daycare. I consider my hubby to be a top of the line caretaker considering his intelligence and attentiveness towards kids so when I plug in $2500 a month for daycare obviously we come out ahead by having the hubby stay at home. Additionally, right now the hubby commutes about 50 miles a day to and from work so we will save a few hundred a month on gas. If I were to stay home, we would lose more money because my base salary is about 12% higher than the hubby’s and I have been getting bigger raises than the hubby just because the type of companies I work for pay more. If the hubby stayed in enterprise software he would be making more money than me right now because he has one more year of experience and he graduated from an elite school. However, he is in games right now and every software engineer knows that you work in games for love and not money.

The main issue is that I am afraid that the hubby would not want to give up his career, but he said that he really would love to be a stay at home at dad. He thinks that he would have a lot of free time for his own projects because he always wanted to make his own games. He also has tons of movies he would like to watch, dozens of books he wants to read, and so much stuff he wants to learn. Additionally, he just loves babies. Then I asked him if he would be lonely, and he said that he could just hang out with all the other stay at home parents he knows. We do know a stay at home dad from church with three kids and several stay at home moms that are our friends. Besides that, one of the hubby’s best friends has a work schedule where he gets home in the early afternoon so they could hang out. In terms of jobs, it is also generally easier for a man to get back to a career after taking a little hiatus. If he really uses his time to create games on his own then he would be even more attractive to future employers., or if he really makes great games he could sell them on the internet by himself.

Anyway, this is all hypothetical because we don’t have kids yet, but it is good to know that the hubby wouldn’t mind being a stay at home parent. I have read many blog posts by women whose husbands tried out the stay at home thing and got ridiculously bored and went back to work, but I guess it’s mostly because they didn’t have any projects of their own. I am not too worried about the hubby having nothing to entertain himself with because he has a ton of games he hasn’t started playing yet and he is one of those nerds that could just sit there and think for hours for fun. The hubby wants to finish the game at his workplace first, and then we may work on actually trying to having a kid and this stay at home dad thing may actually happen.

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Well, as you all know now. The #$@#$! is set to pass very soon. I am so annoyed by this, but I can’t really do anything about it. I wrote about the bill in different articles at Wise Bread so I’d love your comments there.

Anyway, some good things did happen this week to me personally. A couple days ago I got a surprise email from one of my previous employers informing that I am receiving a dividend on the company stocks I bought. The dividend is quite significant and it’s equivalent to about 20% of my purchase price. I don’t have that many shares but the dividend is still worth over $1200. It’s like receiving another economic stimulus check! It is a private stock I can’t sell it, but if it gives dividends like these every year I wouldn’t mind keeping it forever for the free money.

Another news item is that the hubby received a small raise. It was around 5% and it is a bit smaller than he expected, but a raise is a raise and that’s great! He left a large soul sucking megacorp a couple years ago and took a large paycut to join this small game studio, and now his pay is finally a tiny bit above his pay at the megacorp. Right now his company is trying to pump out a couple games so I guess they’re not exactly rolling in dough. The gaming business is sort of risky in that if one game fails then the entire studio could die out because they have to invest a lot of resources in the development of a single game. That actually happened to the studio my cousin worked for. So I am hoping that the hubby’s game set to release next spring is a huge success because the hubby has been working on it for 2 years already. He wants his name in the credits! If he has shipped one great game then his chances of finding another job in the game industry greatly increases and we might move somewhere else. Right now their games are looking pretty promising and they are gathering quite a bit of a fanbase.

Besides that, one of my friends from college is getting married tomorrow! My mom bought me a couple dresses for my birthday so I can wear one of them and show up not looking like a baglady. We also planned a kayaking weekend in Half Moon Bay for our anniversary next month. The dividend money came just in time for our trip. We could have covered it easily ourselves, but it’s pretty cool to receive some surprise money.

So despite the government passing another bill that we will pay for until we die, I try to look on the bright side and see that my life is actually quite excellent.

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The New York Times recently published an that allows you to compare your debt situation to a group of more than 360 American families that were surveyed in 2004. After playing with it for a little bit, it was pretty clear that this survey indicates that those with more income are more likely to have debt. This led to me to ask, why is that those with more means seem to borrow more?

The calculator allows you to input your mortgage debt, credit card debt, automobile debt, and educational debt.  Then you can choose your income and age group on the bottom and it tells you how many percent of the families they surveyed are like you. So I put in $0 and less than 35 year old.  In my age bracket, 39% of families making less than $20,000 per year had no debt, and only 3% of families making more than $150,000 per year had no debt.  This is a very stark difference.  When I changed the age bracket to all age groups, 47% of families making under $20,000 had no debt while only 14% of families making more than $150,000 had no debt. That is still a very big difference.

I noticed that regardless of income, most of the debt of these families came in the form of mortgage. The average amount of mortgage debt goes up as you scroll up in income. This makes sense because more income allows people to qualify for larger mortgages.  Higher income families also tend to live in areas with high costs of living so housing is more expensive to begin with. Some would argue that mortgage is a type of “good” debt because it allows people to have a piece of real estate after it is paid off, but that alone  does not change the fact that it is a debt.

In all the other categories of debt, higher income families still owed more than lower income families on average.  The average automobile debt of families making over $150k  is nearly 9 times the automobile debt of a family making less than $20k.  All of this just shows that those with higher income spends much more on the same goods and services.

Personally I have lived in both ends of the income spectrum presented in this survey.  When we just moved to America we were living on one graduate stipend.  All three of us lived on less than $1000 a month and we watched our expenses day to day.  Nothing was bought without a coupon, and the damaged foods section is where we shopped first. When my family was at that income level, frugality was necessary for survival  and  there is no room for debt because one credit card interest charge could mean a week’s worth of groceries.

Later, my parents graduated and we moved to the San Francisco Bay Area.  They both had well paying jobs after a few years, and they took on a mortgage. A big change I noticed is that we no longer cut out every coupon we found for food and we ate out much more.  It was much easier to spend money because we had more income than before.  The rationale was that coupons were no longer worth the time and effort to redeem, and paying for good food was great because we can’t cook like that anyway. Being frugal is just harder when you have the means to spend your money and justify it later as only 0.25% of your salary.

Though, having said this, I would like to clarify that my family was never that extravagant and got in any debt other than their mortgages. Also, I think it would more interesting if the NY Times reported the amount of assets these families had and see if these families could cover the amount of the debt they have.  If the higher income families had enough assets to make their net worths positive, then they are not too badly off.  If they had the most debt and least assets, then they are really in trouble.

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On this day I finished my classes at noon and ran to the student cafeteria as quickly as I could.  When I stepped into the office, I looked for a director named Jane per the instructions of the advertisement.  When I walked in, I saw a white woman a bit over 40 sitting behind a desk and staring at a computer screen.

I asked her, “Who is Jane?”

She looked up and checked me out from head to toe and said, “I am, do you have a question?”

I said, “I saw your advertisement for a student worker at the cafeteria.  I am here for that job.”

She asked me, “Do you have any kitchen experience?”

At that time, I thought to myself,  America really requires experience for everything.  My readers might remember that when I went to Duke’s Lane   to find a sales job my boss Peter’s first question to me was a “do you have sales experience?”.   They don’t seem to realize that if everyone needs experience, then someone without experience must be given the chance to learn and gain experience.  If no one without experience is given an opportunity, then everyone without experience will never gain experience.

However, America is just a society that forces you to gain work and social experience from contact with the world starting at a young age.  It is commonly said that, “what you learn in school on books is rarely applied”.  In America, we need to add a line and say, “you can never have too much experience when you try to find a job.”

When it comes to the kitchen, I actually have many years of experience.  When the Cultural Revolution began, I was just eleven years old.  My dad was jailed in a cow pen since he  was accused as being a descendant of a landlord and later sent to the countryside to be “reeducated” and “recreated”.  He was sent to the cafeteria as an accountant.  I often went to that cafeteria and watched Chef Zhang cook.  At that time there wasn’t that much great food to eat.  However, my dad always tried to ask the chef to do the best he could.  Chef Zhang supposedly was the stable boy for General He Long during World War II, and did not have a lot of education, and so he received a job in the reeducation camp as a chef.  Later on, I don’t remember for what reason, he almost committed suicide and died, but my dad somehow saved him.  This happened a very very long time ago.

After I finish writing about these fifteen years, I may write about the previous forty years and slowly tell these tales.

Anyway, I was familiar with a kitchen in a cafeteria because I encountered it at a young age.  Truthfully, I really love the art of Chinese cuisine.

The reasons I love Chinese cuisine include the following:

First, “the people worship food as they worship the sky”.  I really love to eat.  When I was young, everything was rationed.  We could only cook food differently to satisfy the four values of Chinese food: “color, scent, taste, and shape”.

Second, I had two neighbors who were experts in Chinese cooking.  One was my dad’s old friend.  After the Cultural Revolution, he researched the history of Chinese cooking and published many books.  When I was teaching in the university he would always give me a free copy of his book whenever he publishes one.  I would follow the ancient recipes he collected and cook the Weiyang style of Chinese cuisine.  Another one of my cooking teachers is an experience chef.  He grew up with me and went to a famous cooking school at the age of fourteen, and later served as a chef at the banquet halls of the Central  government.  Later on he went to Japan as a chef in a great restaurant.  Every year he would come home for the Spring Festival and teach me a few techniques.  Some of the famous dishes I have learned are ““, “Great Boiled Tofu Strings”, “Yangzhou Fried Rice”, and “General Crossing the Bridge”.  Could you say that I have no cooking experience?

To be continued!

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I have only two cousins because of the . My older cousin is named Yang and he is three days older than me. Before I left China, we were sort of like twins and played with each other quite often. Last year, he finished his masters in wireless engineering in Nanjing and recently my mom told me that he got a job as an wireless engineer in Shanghai that pays about 5000 yuan a month. I thought that was great news because jobs in China are very difficult to find for young people since there are just too many college graduates. Then my mom started to name all the things she thought were negative about this job because it is her duty as a Chinese mom to report all the bad things in a gossip session.

First of all she said that my cousin is paying over 1000 yuan to rent a small apartment in the city of Shanghai even though he is only paid 5000 yuan. Second, the company he works for does not provide job security. They fire anyone at anytime they please, and some employees have committed suicide because of long work hours. Third, she said that my aunt told her that it is impossible for Yang to afford to buy a place in Shanghai on his salary. I pretty much laughed at this and said, “you think my life is so different?” When I just graduated, I was paid exactly 5000 dollars a month, and I also had living expenses of nearly 1000 a month. If I lived alone I would also have paid rent of over 1000 dollars a month. So on the expenses front, the difference between my cousin and I is that one of us uses dollar and one of us uses yuan, but our expenses are pretty much the same in terms of percentage of income. I also do not have any job security because California is an at-will state that can fire anyone they want at any time for any reason. Finally, on the real estate front, I can’t afford a place in San Francisco on my salary either! (I am using San Francisco as a parallel to Shanghai because they are both big and densely populated cities with very expensive real estate). The only thing I don’t have is the long work hours, but that is because I choose to not work long hours.

After talking to my friend Mary who goes to China often, we both came to the conclusion that the struggles of young people in China and America are very similar. Financially, we are all dealing with rising prices, stagnant pay, and unstable careers. There has also been a housing bubble in China since the Chinese Communist Party allowed personal ownership of real estate. Politically and socially we all do not have much of a say in  governments that are ruled by the generation before us. Sure, America is supposedly democratic, but honestly how many politicians actually care about our generation? Even Obama, who is supposed to be “young”, is proposing a tax proposal that eliminates taxes for seniors making under $50,000. What about the young people that make under $50,000? Anyway, I could write a whole other rant on this issue, but basically the challenges American young adults face politically are not so different from Chinese youths who are under a totalitarian regime. American youths are taught to believe that they can affect the decisions of the government, but in actuality the government is controlled by an older generation that could not care less. In a way that’s more frustrating than knowing for certain that your government will not listen.

One thing that is marked different between the lives of Chinese young adults and American young adults is that many of the urban Chinese youths we know have quite a bit financial and physical support from their parents. For example, some married only children have all four of their parents taking care of their kids. On the other hand, American young adults have to deal with costly childcare or just not have children at all. I don’t know of any non-Asian households where all four grandparents are taking care of their grandchildren full time. A lot of Chinese parents also buy houses for their children, and again, that is rare in America.

So having said that, I think my cousin is doing great in China. He has officially become independent, and that is a great achievement for any young adult.

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