Attempts at a Sustainable Lifestyle…

Well, it seems that babies are very unpredictable little creatures.  In my last post I thought that I had three more weeks before the little guy arrived, but he had other things in his little brain.  My little boy was born on October 13th at 6:17 PM in the midst of a rainstorm.  The last few days have been quite busy so I haven’t had a chance to talk to a lot of people besides immediate family and a few friends. Now that the little guy is sound asleep, I am going to write up his birth story as quickly as I can since many friends have been asking how the whole thing happened and I just haven’t had enough time to retell it.  If you are squeamish about pregnancy, childbirth, or bodily fluids, then it’s probably best not to read this.

At approximately 7:10 am on October 13th I woke up with very wet panties. At first I thought it was just extra vaginal discharge because that happens throughout a pregnancy.  I walked to the bathroom to urinate, and when I sat down I just felt a gush of water escape into the toilet.  To be honest, I was not 100% sure that my water broke because it was more than two weeks before my due date.  On the other hand I didn’t know what it could be besides amniotic fluid.  So I remembered from the classes that I could check if it’s really water by examining the color and odor of the liquid.  This is when I sniffed and touched the liquid.  I know this sounds gross, but normal amniotic fluid is actually sterile and smells like nothing.  I woke up my husband and told him that I thought my water broke at this point.  He said, “What? REALLY?”, and sounded like he jumped out of the bed and started to pack a bag in a flurry.  I told him to calm down and take his time because chances are it would take a while for the baby to come and the hospital is about 5 minutes away.  Then I called the Labor and Delivery department at Kaiser and they told me to go in since it does sound like my membranes have ruptured.  After getting everything together and sending emails to our employers, we headed to the hospital in one of the rainiest days of the year.

We arrived at the hospital at around 8:00am, and it was just about the time the nurses,doctors, and midwives were changing shifts.  It took a little while to fill in some forms and then the nurses repeated tried to verify that my water really broke.  They used to have a chemical strip of some sort that can be dipped into the fluid to see if it’s really amniotic fluid, but according to a nurse they stopped using it due to false positives.  A nurse took a couple samples of the water and couldn’t really figure out if it was water or not, so she brought in a midwife with a speculum and a flashlight and was about to subject me to some uncomfortable prodding.  This is when a bit of water gushed out and the midwife said, “well, you can see it right there, your water definitely broke!”  I thought to myself, “well, I knew that!”  I guess they often have women that go into the hospital  who  believe their water broke when in reality they peed on their legs.

So it took around an hour or two for them to completely confirm that I was to stay in the hospital and I was hooked up to a monitor that checked for contractions and the baby’s heart beat. At this point I was really feeling nothing at all. Later on I found out that this condition is actually called prelabor rupture of membranes.  Basically, my water broke before any contractions and if the baby does not come out within a certain time period there is a  chance of infection.  I did test GBS positive a week before so I was hooked up to an IV with penicillin.  They also decided to start me on pitocin to start my labor due to the chance of infection.  Pitocin definitely wasn’t my first choice because I knew that it would unnaturally speed up my labor, but I was sort of anxious to get the labor started, too.  So by 11am I had a bag of penicillin, a bag of pitocin, and a bag of saline attached to my IV.  It was quite annoying to move around with all those things attached.

The next few hours were quite boring.  Basically, I was not feeling anything happening.  I will spare you the details of going to the bathroom with all the IV and monitors, but it was just kind of annoying.  I had my hubby’s PSP, and he had his DS, and we were just passing time with our games.  A nurse brought in lunch for me and my hubby went down to the Kaiser cafeteria.  Apparently this cafeteria is super cheap, and you could get a fairly large double cheese burger for less than $3.  My hubby was happy and ate his burger in front of me while I ate a fairly bland turkey sandwich.  Every hour or so the nurse upped the pitocin dose a little bit, and they constantly checked my blood pressure and temperature.  I stood up and walked around every once in a while because it was so boring.

The pitocin started at 1ml per hour in the morning, and was upped by 1 or 2mls every hour.  Finally between 3 to 4pm I started to feel some contractions that were like menstrual cramps and the pitocin dose was up to 6ml or 8ml per hour.  It wasn’t really that bad and I was still able to go to the bathroom on my own through these contractions and just get through them by rubbing my tummy a little.  My hubby also offered to rub my tummy and back but I didn’t really need it.

The pain really started to spike after 4pm.  I remember this since Ellen was on TV and my hubby was doing breathing exercises with me as each wave of contraction hit me.  The contractions were still not very regular and were spaced between 2 minutes to 5 minutes apart so the nurse upped the pitocin to 10ml per hour.  I went to the bathroom again and a few small blood clots came out.  We told this to the nurse and she said that it is a good sign because it means that the cervix is definitely opening. In the next hour or so each contraction suddenly got much more painful and I was clutching the hubby’s hand.  The nurse came in and asked if I wanted some pain medication and I said yes.  She immediately suggested an epidural, and I asked her to check how far along I am because I knew that I couldn’t get an epidural if I’m more than 7cm dialated.  At this point, I guess the nurse figured that I couldn’t have been that far along since my contractions have been detectable for only a few hours and an average labor for first time moms lasts somewhere around 12 hours.  She performed an extremely uncomfortable vaginal exam on me to feel how wide my cervix is, and as she was prodding around she kept on exclaiming, “Oh wow!”  I wasn’t sure if that was good or bad, but finally she said, “I think we are almost ready to have the baby.”  Both my hubby and I said, “Really?”  She replied, “Yup, you are more than 9 centimeters dialated, and there is just a little bit of cervix left on one side.”  I was actually quite relieved because this meant that they would not be shoving a needle into my spine, and the baby was coming soon. In all honesty I really did not want an epidural because becoming paralyzed just sounded very scary.

The nurse offered me some fentanyl for the pain, and I agreed to it because in the childbirth prep classes they informed us that analgesics like fentanyl won’t paralyze us and just takes the edge off a little bit.  She came in with a small syringe and injected it into my IV, and then gave me an oxygen mask.  The oxygen mask was actually pretty great and I breathed through each contraction.  I could still feel everything, but the pain wasn’t as piercing.  The nurse got a delivery team ready and then asked me if I feel like I want to push.  I really felt like pooping with each contraction, and I told her so.  She said that was good and  then stuck her hand up there once again, and when a contraction comes she would tell me to push.  At first I wasn’t pushing very hard, and then they started talking about having to vacuum suction the baby out.  That sounded pretty horrendous so I tried harder on the next few contractions.  I could feel the baby’s head moving through my hip bones and then on the last contraction I pushed about 3 times in succession  and with a gushing noise the baby came out at 6:17pm. My husband described that noise as, “it sounded like you exploded”.  The baby cried almost immediately after he was out and I was allowed to hold him for a couple seconds.  My hubby bravely cut the cord and I was grinning widely at him.  Later on my hubby said that it sounded like I was dying, but really it wasn’t that bad.  The doctor that delivered the baby sewed up a couple tears I had, and then the placenta was delivered about 5 minutes afterward.  They cleaned him up and measured him.  His gestational age was 37 weeks 3 days and that is considered full term, but he only weighed in at 5lbs 15ozes.  Nevertheless the doctor said that he was a perfect size for me, and they were all surprised that I didn’t have an epidural.  She actually said that I had high pain tolerance, but I don’t think that was the case.  I had a lot of support from the hubby and lots of prayers on my side. Also, the classes we took beforehand gave me a lot of information so I knew what was happening.

The baby and I spent the next couple days in the hospital because they wanted to observe us and I also got a lot of hands on training on breastfeeding from the nurses, but we are home now.  Overall I thought that my birthing experience was not as bad as I expected it would be. I think  perhaps women are told way too many horror stories about labor, and that creates anxiety and more bad experiences.  The thing I feared most was really a C-section or any other type of surgery, but that was not necessary at all and I am thankful for that.  I do think that the modern medical system does more tests and procedures than what is necessary, but I thought that the staff at Kaiser were quite professional and we got the care we needed. I do feel a bit different now that I am a mom, but I’m not quite sure I could quite pinpoint what that feeling is.  I do know that my hubby and I really love our cute little nugget.  Anyway, this post is getting quite long, so I am stopping here.  I definitely have less time to blog these days as we are adjusting to caring for a newborn, but hopefully I will have more time to write as the baby gets into a more regular feeding schedule.  Right now he is going for my boob quite frequently so it is difficult to concentrate.  Hopefully you enjoyed reading my story!

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Lately my friends and family have pitched in to help me get ready for the baby and I am very thankful for everyone.  I have pretty much everything I need for now and now I am just counting down to the big day.  According to my last ultrasound my doctor said that the baby is growing at a normal interval which means that I have been controlling my gestational diabetes well.  The due date is now anywhere from 10/31 to 11/5.  I will be starting my leave from work on 10/24 unless the baby comes earlier than that.  I am seeing the doctor every week now and for the most part I am feeling pretty normal.

The most common question I get right now is, “are you ready yet?”  Honestly, I don’t think anyone is ever ready for a real kid.  You can read all the books you want and learn all about the process of conception, delivery, and breastfeeding, but when that little nugget pops out it is just a fairly unique experience for everyone.  As to labor and delivery, I certainly have learned a lot from books and classes, but I haven’t experienced the pain so I cannot say that I am ready for that.  The hubby’s aunt simply said to be flexible and don’t set your mind on any specific birth plan, because things can change.  I totally agree with that, and I would not reject pain medication or a C Section if they are absolutely necessary.  However, I definitely would like to avoid any surgery if possible.

We don’t really know what to expect after the kid is born besides that we will have to feed him and clean him a lot.  One thing I am planning to do is to get a flexible spending account at work for dependent care and medical expenses in 2010.  The reason for this is that babies go to doctors quite a bit in the first year, and also we will be paying for child care since both of us work. This is the cheapest way for us to pay for the expenses since the money is paid into the accounts before taxes.  I will not go back to work until mid January, but the rest of the year still needs to be taken care of. Looking back, I should have probably funded my medical flexible spending account just a little this year, since I have spent around $400 on the entire pregnancy and I could have paid for that tax free and saved a little over $100.  The only problem is that I had no idea how much money I would have needed this year for medical expenses. I also had no idea how many things a flexible spending account  covers, so I intend to take full advantage of it next year.   Anyway, I will probably write a full post on flexible spending accounts when I start using it.

For the most part, we are not that concerned about the extra expenses a baby brings.  The only thing that worries me is that we might not be able to have as much time to spend with the kid as we like because we both work.  I think having time to do whatever we want to do is one of my biggest motivations in wanting to “get out of the rat race” as soon as possible, and lately the hubby has come around to the same goal.  He actually said to me, “you can never save too much! If we save more now we can retire early.”  I am very proud of him and hopefully I can teach our baby to be smart with his money so he could be financially independent at a young age.

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I have a friend from college who grew up here in San Mateo.  We often discuss things like Asian parents and also the ridiculous real estate here on the Peninsula.  He is also a pretty frugal guy who makes a good income.  We often exchange articles about bailouts and real estate and discuss them.  The most hilarious comment I got from him about these articles is, “I want to punch them in the face”.  Here are some examples of folks he wanted to punch in the face.

When CNN featured this gallery of people who went through foreclosure, my friend said to me, “Are we supposed to feel sorry for these people?  I want to punch them in the face, with the exception of the guy that became disabled”.  I thought the most egregious example of a deadbeat out of the four families is the third one here.  This is  a guy that obviously knew that he was walking away as a financial decision.  He actually said that he “landed on his feet in just about every way”.

Here is another guy that my friend would like to punch from the article titled “Mortgage-modification program questioned, protested. “

“The government cannot do anything to make Rafael Aponte’s home affordable.

Aponte has been unemployed for three years since being laid off after 17 years at National Display Co. That is how long he has owned his Northern Liberties rowhouse, now in foreclosure.

Protesting near the National Constitution Center, where a congressional panel yesterday tried to gauge the progress of homeowner-rescue programs, Aponte said his lender had agreed to modify his mortgage, then had withdrawn the offer.

“They said that without a job, how could I pay even that?” Aponte said. “They’re right, but it isn’t fair.” “

I thought that this article was hilarious since the guy admitted that the bank was right that he couldn’t pay, but still complained that it’s unfair.  The article actually went on to say that the mortgage bailout money should have been given directly to the borrowers.  Seriously? I say thank God now that there are banks that are smart enough to deny loans that they know wouldn’t be repaid.  Another precious quote from the above article is the following:

“Getting a homeowner’s DTI [debt-to-income] ratio to 31 percent won’t help the unemployed, since 31 percent of their income is zero,” said Paul Willen, a senior economist and policy adviser at the Federal Reserve Bank of Boston.

This made me laugh pretty hard, too.  When did you learn that 0 multipled by  anything is 0?

If my friend were to be face to face with these folks, I am sure he wouldn’t actually punch them in the face, even though someone needs to knock some sense into them.  What we are frustrated about is that many of these foreclosees are painted as victims in the media and coddled like innocent babes by the politicians.  Yes, the economy is in the pits right now, and many people are unemployed, but that is not an excuse to throw away personal responsibility.   If the government continues to bully banks into making loans to people who they know have no intention or ability to repay those loans, then this situation will not get better.  Unfortunately, that is still what I am seeing.  The banks are still portrayed as the ultimate villains that aren’t helping enough homeowners in trouble.  The truth of the matter is that a lot of these folks intend to walk away from a vastly depreciated asset anyway, and the modification efforts will just give them a few more months of free housing.

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Today is officially the first day of my 36th week of pregnancy.  Last Tuesday I had another ultrasound to check my baby’s position and size.  According to the ultrasound machine he is 4lbs and 13 ozes plus or minus 12 ozes at 34 weeks and 3 days, and that is an average size for 34 weeks of gestation.  In the next 5 weeks he is supposed to gain 1/2 lb per week on average so hopefully he will be between 6 to 8lbs when he finally comes out.  His head is already down and his feet are jabbing me in the ribs constantly.  I have been keeping my blood sugar in check and it seems that everything is fine.  It seems that this weekend a 19lb baby was born to a diabetic Asian woman in Indonesia, and several people have told me that it’s a good thing that I have kept my blood sugar in check because that baby’s size is due to the extra glucose in the mother’s blood.  I am pretty sure now that my kid will not gain more than 3lbs per week in the next five weeks.

Anyway, the hubby and I took several classes on preparing for childbirth and breastfeeding in the last few weeks at Kaiser.  I think the classes really helped in letting us know what to expect at Kaiser and I was pretty reassured because they do  promote a normal vaginal birth if it is possible. It was also good to know when to go to the hospital and what trouble signs to look for and the classes involved the dads quite a bit.   We have asked our parents how they dealt with our births since we were both the oldest child for them, and to be honest they weren’t super helpful because we were both born in Asian countries decades ago and the procedures were pretty different.  My mom just told me that it hurt a lot and she doesn’t remember much of it, and my dad said that he pedaled my mom to the hospital on a bike with a wagon.   Apparently dads weren’t even allowed in the delivery room and he just remembers that he went home and boiled 8 eggs and brought them to my mom at the hospital after I was born.   My parents also had extremely conflicting advice on what and how much to eat during the pregnancy so I am glad that there was more reliable health education at Kaiser.  In general it seems that people love to give pregnant women advice, and a lot of the times it can be confusing and conflicting.

I am definitely getting more excited about the arrival of the baby now, but I also realize that our lives will change pretty drastically.  In the breastfeeding class we were taught that the baby needs to be fed 8 to 12 times a day in the beginning because their stomachs are puny.  That is definitely more work than I would have expected, but we will deal with it.  The important thing is that we will have to work as a team.  As to finances, I have been asked a few times by acquaintances  if I will be a stay at home mom now that I have a kid.  To be fair, most of these people do not know that I have a fairly well paying job.  The fact of the matter is that we would have to live paycheck to paycheck if we were to live just on the hubby’s income right now, and even though many families do this I don’t feel like I would be comfortable living in that situation because that will definitely create more stress in our family.  I make enough to justify paying for childcare after my leave is finished and our families may also be able to help out from time to time.  Another thing is that we both want to retire early so it makes sense for me to keep my career and earn as much as possible right now.   Some people may think that this is selfish, but I think our marriage is a bit more stable than some others’ just because we are both financially capable  and we have never argued about something like not being able to pay a bill.   I think a financially secure family environment is usually better for a child because a little  kid shouldn’t have to share in the money problems of his parents.    On the other hand,  we will also make sure we don’t spoil our kid with stuff.  We are hoping to perhaps have one of us work from home in a few years and move out of the Bay Area, but that is a long term plan.   We have always wanted a kid, so we will make it work somehow.  Our parents managed to raise us with very little means and send us to college so we should be able to do it too.

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According to a report based on new Census data, last year the homeownership rate amongst Asians fell 1.24% to 59.4% last year. This is worse than the decline of homeownership amongst all the other major ethnic groups.  Some economists quoted in the article were surprised at this development since Asians households in America generally have high income and low debt.   So why has this group dropped out of homeownership the most?

The article suggested that the effect may be regional because most Asians in America live in California, which is one of the states hardest hit by declining prices and the recession.  This is definitely a solid theory.  Asians are not immune to job losses and for many families the loss of even one job means that the  next mortgage payment is no longer affordable.  As I wrote in this article about Chinese/Asian  immigrants and real estate, Asians often ignore the basic debt to income ratio guidelines to buy a home because they figure they will save money on everything else.  If two people were paying 58% of their income on a mortgage then one job loss definitely puts the nail on the coffin.  California currently has one of the highest unemployment rates in the country, and since the Asian community is concentrated here in California we are affected as a whole.

Next I think the speculative mania during the housing bubble was much more intense amongst the Asian community.  This is just my anecdotal experience, but my whole family and Indian coworkers talked about real estate pretty much 24/7.  These people mostly had significant amounts of savings for a downpayment, great credit, and all they were seeing is that the real estate market went up 20%  a year while stocks were not exactly catching up.   This prompted a lot of people to buy real estate that they did not even need.  Some of them intended to flip the properties quickly, and some became landlords with the intention to flip a bit later.   Another thing that spread the fire is that Asians talk about personal finance amongst family and friends very often so more and more people jumped on the bandwagon.  There are also folks who used their homes as ATMs to buy more property because they figured that they were  making a sound  investment.  For the most part, the Asians I have encountered that did all of these real estate deals knew exactly what they were getting into, and they were all sure that they were being smart about their money.  The phrase I heard the most often were that “real estate prices in the Bay Area will never go down” and “real estate is the best investment”.  I know that many non-Asian people did the same thing, but I feel that the Asian community got into real estate much more because owning real property is high on their priority lists.

Now after the crash, I actually do not personally know any Asian families that lost their homes.  I do know several that are fairly underwater, but they are still faithfully paying their debt because they are still employed.  Believe it or not real estate is still a really hot topic for my parents and their friends.  Now they are all talking about scooping up cheap properties as rental properties.  Now what I hear from my mom is similar to the following, “this property sold for $400,000 in 2005!  Now it’s 70% off! Positive cashflow!!!”.   I responded to her, “mom, remember when I told you a few years ago that real estate could come down by 40% and you didn’t believe me?”  She then said, “It’s more than 40% down!!”   I guess the obsession will never end.      Anyway, I wish them luck, and I hope some of the decline in homeownership was voluntary and not due to foreclosures.

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