I come from a fairly small family. Each of my parents has one sister and each family has an only child. So basically I have a total of four uncles and aunts and two first cousins and only one aunt’s family is here in the Bay Area. The holidays usually involves a dinner or two with my aunt’s family and a few other family friends. Now that I am married I suddenly gained at least two dozen or so fairly immediate family members here in the Bay Area. It is kind of interesting and fun to me, but I hear from many people with huge families that the holiday season is the most stressful time of the year. I suppose it makes sense because the more people there are in a family there is more likely to be disagreements. Also, having a big family may be a financial burden if you are supposed to throw a feast and bring everyone gifts.
Entries Tagged 'Relationships' ↓
My First Holiday with a Huge Family
November 13th, 2007 — Relationships, Marriage, Love, Personal Finance, Saving, Money
Would You Ever Sell Your Eggs?
November 7th, 2007 — Marriage, Oddities, Relationships, Children, Life, Personal Finance, Money
Today I read some pretty bizarre news about former State Representative Ted Klaudt. Basically the guy is on trial for rape because he performed vaginal exams on two foster daughters and the girls allowed it because he told them he is testing them for egg donation. He also told them that each egg could sell for $5000 or more. The tests this guy performed were for his own perverted pleasures, but the egg donation industry is quite real.
What I find funny is that when you sell genetic material you’re considered a “donor”, because to me donation means giving away money or services. When I was in college I saw ads in our school paper looking for intelligent and attractive women to sell their eggs. Eggs have to be harvested with a surgical procedure after the woman is injected with hormones and sells for anywhere from $5000 to $25000. I can see why having such an advertisement in the Berkeley campus paper makes a lot of sense. A lot of these collegiate women are not working and could really use the money to buy things and pay off debt, and being college students they are sort of prescreened for intelligence. Even so, a lot of these egg donation ads also ask for standardized testing scores from tests such as the GRE and SAT. A lot of these young women are also at the peak of their fertility. A news articles from last year reports that college towns are ripe for egg harvests and business is booming.
At first glance, it seems like selling a few cells for thousands of dollars isn’t such a bad deal. After all, it is impossible for a woman to use up all the eggs she is born with. “Donating” eggs does help a lot of infertile couples have children, and that is not a bad thing. People are encouraged to give blood all the time to save lives, and giving eggs creates life so it really seems like a win-win situation for all parties involved. However, I have quite a few concerns about selling eggs. The first is that since the egg dispensing industry is quite young it is not well regulated. There are predators like Ted Klaudt who trick young women into humiliating tests. Also, the health impacts of the hormones injected into these women isn’t very well studied. If a woman donates regularly she would be exposed to hormones that she would not produce naturally. That just seems a bit dangerous to me. Additionally, once the eggs are fertilized there is no telling what the fertility clinics are doing with them. There was a Law and Order episode where a fertility clinic sold one woman’s embryos to multiple couples without the original woman’s knowledge. Even though that is fiction I can see it happening. Basically you have no idea that your eggs are actually going to the one couple that is paying you. This causes problems because if you have children of your own and you have no idea that they have a bunch of half siblings out there it is kind of weird.
In one article I read a Rabbi said, “In Third World countries, [women] go into prostitution. Here, because they have good SAT scores, they sell eggs?” He is concerned that young women are setting prices on their genetic material based on their looks and college credentials. I think that’s not what concerns me the most because technically we do use our credentials and looks to some extent in other parts of life such as work and relationships. I definitely wouldn’t equate selling eggs with prostitution. What troubles me about selling eggs is that families with money can buy a designer baby and choose the genetic profile of their children pre-conception. One of my all time favorite movies is GATTACA with Ethan Hawke and Uma Thurman, and in that world most humans’ genes are prescreened and parents receive a baby that is an “optimal” combination of themselves. I think buying eggs or sperm is just a type of gene selection. That really scares me because as gene therapy and selection become more and more prevalent and popular eventually the rich will be able to purchase intelligence and beauty before they are even born. Technology is changing how we reproduce drastically, and that created the egg-trade. With all of that said, I don’t think I will ever sell my eggs even if I were in a financial bind.
Since selling eggs is so lucrative, if you were a young woman who hasn’t started in your career and really need money to pay off debts, would you ever sell your eggs? If you are a man who really needs money, would you ask your wife/girlfriend to sell her eggs?
How Asian Parents Influence Their Children’s Success
November 5th, 2007 — Career, Children, Relationships, School, Carnival of Personal Finance, San Mateo, China, Culture, Money
So, once again it’s Monday. I am taking a couple days off before I start my new job. Today my article about saving for retirement and saving for a house was an editor’s pick on MyTwo Dollars Carnival of Personal Finance! I’m very honored that David picked my article. Another editor’s pick is Grad Money Matter’s Should Parents Try to Influence Their Kid’s College Applications. I read this article before it was featured in the carnival and wrote a pretty long comment on it because I have had some personal experience with that. Grad Money’s article is what is prompting me to write this article about how Asian parents influence their children’s success in life.
Anyway, when I was in college one of my friends was talking about Asian parents and we came to the following conclusion. Basically the following are the only acceptable careers to our parents: doctor, lawyer, engineer, and financial professional/investment banker. Then my friend mimicked his mom’s accent and said that these were the only acceptable colleges, “STANFURD, HAHVARD, YALE, and MIT”. The whole room busted out laughing and then one guy said, “Well, I guess we’re all failures since we’re at Berkeley”. We may have hyper-stereotyped our parents, but it’s funny because most of what we concluded is true.
Pretty much all of the Asian kids with first generation Asian parents I have met have felt pressure from their parents in choosing a college major that may lead to a high paying career. I think this family enforced career selection may be one of the many reasons why Asian households have the highest average incomes in America. I think it makes sense that parents want their children to be successful, but a lot of Asian parents’ perception of success is very narrow and consists of a high GPA and then a high paying job. So many children are pushed to be doctors and engineers whether or not they like it. I have known several girls who were pushed into engineering and medicine only to despise their majors and found their coursework to be too difficult. Not everyone is meant to be an engineer or doctor, and some Asian parents do not seem understand that. I have also seen Asian parents that pushed their kids to succeed to the point of hurting them. For example, a girl I knew in high school was scolded by her parents on her graduation day for not being the Valedictorian. That is just very unnecessary and cruel.
Cultural clashes occur between first generation Asian parents and American educated children because in America you are encouraged to think outside of the box, create, and be yourself, but in most of Asia you are expected to memorize, repeat, and obey. When Asian children step outside of the box of what their parents consider to be successful, conflicts arise and for the most part I think the parents are just worrying too much. For example, my second cousin was groomed by his dad to be a doctor and he went to an ivy, but he chose to major in photography instead. It didn’t please his dad at first, but now he is successful as a technical game artist. Generally people perform better in what they love to do, and people find success in all kinds of random things in America. I think it is much better to do what you’re passionate about than to go to a job you hate everyday. In fact, some of the pushy Asian parents really stunted their children’s success because when their children end up in a despised career they are usually lugubrious and do not care to excel in any manner. I have seen many examples of these engineers who absolutely hate what they do and want to get out everyday.
Despite all the slightly negative stereotypes about first generation Asian parents in this article I do believe that like all parents they want the best for their children. The parents are right in wishing a good career on their children, but ultimately for their children to achieve success they need to learn to make decisions for themselves. It’s problematic that a lot of these parents do not take the time to understand their children’s strengths and preferences and just try to push their children into a mold of what is considered successful in the Asian community. It’s true that when we are young we are not absolutely sure what we want, and parental advice is always helpful but I think it is unnecessary for Asian parents to throw a ballistic fit when their children consider a career in fine arts. There are many ways to succeed, and parents are human beings who can make mistakes too.
Friday Carnival Roundup!!
November 2nd, 2007 — Loans, Roundups, Relationships, Debt, Carnival of Money Stories, Housing, Careers, Mortgage, Personal Finance, Life, Real Estate, Culture, Carnival of Personal Finance, Money
Well, I haven’t done a carnival roundup for a while. Today was my last day at my job and this entire week has been quite crazy.
Carnival of Debt Reduction #111 ~ What’s Scarier Than Debt? at I’ve Paid For This Twice Already. My post in this carnival is about not buying things you don’t need.
Carnival of Personal Finance: The Trick or Treat Contest Edition at Millionaire Mommy Next Door. My article in this carnival showcases the strange and crazy bosses I have met.
Carnival of Twenty-Something Finances at My Adventures into the Street. My post in this carnival is about leaving my job.
The Carnival of Family Life included my article on being an only child.
The Baglady hosted Carnival of Money Stories #32 — True Financial Horror Stories! Check out the carnival for some awesome stories from all more than twenty personal finance bloggers.
Finally, the story about my super cheap ex-boyfriend got a 4th wind this week since it was linked on one of the MSN Money Central blogs and then linked by JD over at Get Rich Slowly. My ex-bf wants to say that the part I exaggerated about is the 25 cent spaghetti, and I want to say I didn’t really break up with him because he is cheap.
Do You Have Hypocritical Parents?
November 2nd, 2007 — Children, Mortgage, Relationships, Salary, Housing, Culture, United States, Life, Saving, Personal Finance, Real Estate, Money
I am so pissed off right now because my mother harassed me for 12 hours straight about my last post even after I took it off last night. Her harassment consisted of spamming this blog with comments and calling both my husband’s and my phones from 11pm to 7am. After my dad and husband both tried to convince her that I already took down the post she continued to harass me and I had to block her IP. Then my dad found out that she didn’t even read that I took down the post and just continued to harass me anyway. Because of this the both of us didn’t get a good night sleep. All I wrote about was that my parents bought two homes and lost money on the second home because it was bought at the peak of the housing bubble. This is probably a situation faced by many couples all across the world. I posted no names, no addresses, and no extremely private information. Past and present housing prices are all public information anyway so I don’t see what the big deal is on posting that without pinpointing the actual addresses.
Her argument was that I gave too much information about their personal finances without permission, but what I don’t understand is that they talk about their personal finances in detail all the time to everyone they know. They brag about the stocks they own, the houses they own, and their jobs constantly so I always had an impression that they are pretty open about this topic. They also tell their friends and friends of friends about my personal finance without my permission. This incident actually brought back the memory of when they bought the second home. When I went to see the place my mother flat out told the loan agent how much money I made at my job without prompting. Then the loan agent said to me, “you should buy a house.” This was when I was making $60,000 a year by myself, and THAT really pissed me off too. I felt like they were just mocking me for no reason and looking back it is like they are throwing me to the wolves of the real estate industry.
Dear readers, isn’t what they do to me much worse than anonymously telling random people about a nameless couple? The difference between what I wrote and what they do all the time is that what I wrote is anonymous and what they do actually affects me in real life because all those Chinese parents that they talk to know who I am and they tell their kids to look up to me because of how much money I make. I’ve actually been introduced by a Chinese dad to his daughter by my networth and that was rather disturbing. I really don’t want to be defined by my salary and networth and yet they continue to do exactly that without my permission. This is really a flaw of the Asian culture because so much of who you are is based on money, but I could really write an entire series of rants about Asians and money. It’s really bizarre and annoying to have such hypocritical parents, and on top of that for my mother to act like such a vainglorious and spoiled brat really amazed me.
