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In my last company I was used to getting monetary bonuses based on my performance reviews. Don’t get me wrong, I love bonus checks, but after getting them as a routine they lose a bit of their luster. When a bonus check is smaller than usual it is also hard to appreciate the fact that it is a bonus. I usually just save my bonuses like my regular salary, and that’s that.

My husband’s company deals with bonuses in another manner. He has never gotten a bonus check as large as mine, but he has gotten awesome schwag. Since he joined the company they have given him a free Xbox 360 and a Wii gaming system. We play with the Xbox quite often and it is something we would not have bought if it weren’t free. We gave the Wii to a friend because we already had a system, but it was still a very nice gift from the company.

Today he dropped a bomb on me and told me that his company is sponsoring a weekend trip for all employees plus one to Vegas. We will also get some spending cash for the weekend. I am so ridiculously excited about this trip that the cockles of my heart are aglow like a supernova. I have never been to the Strip in Vegas before and I just feel like I won a huge prize right now. In actuality, it is a bonus for the hubby’s work, but the truth is that I think I would not be as excited and happy if he just brought home an extra check because we are really in no dire need for extra money. This is a trip we would have not taken if his company were not sponsoring it, and that is a real bonus.

My mom is also a recipient of non-monetary bonuses in the past. Her last company was tiny and the owner is extremely generous. He often had awesome parties with the most amazing food. They were also flown to New York one summer just to visit the boss’s house and have a party.

I think sometimes experiences and things are more memorable as bonuses than money, and could help a company win the loyalty of its employees without costing all that much. For example, an Xbox 360 system is about $300 to $400, and we are still loving it. We tell our friends that the hubby’s company just gave it to him, and they are all impressed by it. On the other hand, telling a friend that you got a $400 monetary bonus isn’t all that memorable or impressive.

So which bonus would make you love your company more? A $5000 check or a trip to Hawaii?

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Fifteen years ago, I took the plane tickets my wife Helen sent me and took my daughter to Hongqiao International Airport in Shanghai. My daughter Xin just turned nine. Perhaps it was because she was going to see her mother for the first time in over a year, she was extremely excited and did not sleep very well the night before. Then she fell asleep in the car on the way to Shanghai. My brother in law Ji Chang and a colleague Wen Hua sent us to the airport. At the airport, Xin woke up and was full of energy once again. She started to play the Gameboy I just bought for her.

As I looked at the Japan Airlines Boeing 737 outside of the terminal’s window, I was overwhelmed by hundreds of emotions. Yes, this is the land that nurtured me for over thirty years, this is where my friends and family live, and this is the place where I worked passionately in my career in education. All of these things were hard for me to let go.

Before I left, my coworkers in my department gave me a farewell party. That night, after everyone said goodbye, I loudly recited a poem by Su Dongpo titled August 15:

How often is the moon bright, I lift my wine to the azure sky and ask.
I wonder what year it is tonight in the celestial palaces?
I am willing to leave with the wind, but I am afraid of the chill
high above those beautiful jade buildings.
The moon dances and casts clear shadows, as if it is amongst mortals
It surrounds crimson towers, and creeps beneath the carved windows,
and shines upon those who cannot sleep.
It should not know hate, but why is it always round when we are parting?
Men have sadness, joy, parting, and reunion
Just as the moon may be dark, bright, round, and incomplete.
This has always been hard to understand fully since ancient times.
I can only hope that we can live long and admire the moon together
even if we are thousands of miles apart.

Su Dongpo is an extraordinary poet, and I have always loved his words. I especially like the passion he expressed in his other poem titled “Lian Ru Jiao – Che Bi Huai Gu”. However, at the time I was about to leave my parents, friends, and colleagues so I felt that Master Su’s poem “August 15th” truly conveyed my feelings. It is truly hard to leave my homeland, and it is hard to understand the sadness in parting, and the joy in reunion at the same time. Even though China’s Mid-Autumn festival uses the lunar calender’s August 15 and it is different from the Gregorian calendar, I know my wife Helen ordered plane tickets for August 15th because of the meaning of reunion attached to this date. Reunion is something every family wants, and Helen is the person who sacrificed enormously for our family’s reunion.

One year prior in 1991, Helen was accepted by the Theatre department at the University of Hawai’i at Manoa as a PhD student. When she walked out of Honolulu International Airport, her American penpal Betty asked a friend named Alice to give her a ride from the airport. When Alice asked Helen where she needed to go, Helen had no idea. Before she left China she left most of our savings for our child, and brought only $200 to America. With this pittance she could not even rent a room for two weeks in Hawaii.

Alice took Helen to the International Student Services building at University of Hawaii. In America, most state universities have international student services and their mission is to help international students. They usually have activities and clubs for international students and also help with registration and various Visa processing issues. They also deal with employment and the immigration of relatives. For example, if an international student wants to work off campus they would need the permission of the school. If an international student wants to return to their home country for vacation, they would also need the service to give approval on their I-20 form. At that time the director of the services at the university was an American born Chinese woman named Jennie. She was a very enthusiastic and hardworking director who was very well liked by the students. Perhaps it was because she is Chinese herself, she was especially fond of helping Chinese students. She was extremely surprised when she saw that Helen came into the office with two large suitcases. Even though the international students service helps these students, they are not responsible for finding people a place to live or deal with other personal issues. She asked Helen why did she come to the office and Helen said she has no idea where she is supposed to go, and is just trying to find a place to stay. Jennie asked Helen how much money she had and Helen answered $200. Jennie knew that there was no way Helen could rent anything, so she called a nearby church and asked for help. (To be continued)

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Merry Christmas everyone!

Speaking of Christmas, I find it funny that one of the most popular icons of Christmas is Santa Claus. I always knew that the jolly fat man riding with reindeers and elves is not real since he did not exist in China when I was growing up. When I moved to America I was still a child, but I was old enough to know that any presents I received were given by my parents. I really thought that American kids are really gullible to believe that a rotund man would come down their chimneys like a cat burglar and drop glitzy packages of presents. Yet year after year the lie is perpetuated and millions of children are disappointed when they find out the truth. So today, I’d like to salute those who really make the grand operation known as Christmas joyous and possible.

First I’d like to thank all of the dedicated United States Postal workers and the employees of other package delivery operations such as UPS, FedEx, and DHL for working overtime and getting billions of packages delivered this holiday season. One of my friends is a supervisor at UPS and he has been leaving his pregnant wife home to go to work everyday at midnight. During the holiday season the volume of deliveries grow so much that these real people have to work more to bring you that new sweater or digital camera. If you know one of these hardworking men and women go ahead and thank them this holiday! My parents usually give something for the mail lady during Christmas and I think it’s a well deserved gift.

Next I’d like to thank all of the operations departments of retailers such as Amazon, or Walmart. These big retailers have amazing operations facilities that serves so many transactions during the holidays in order to bring holiday cheer. I remember that one of my classmates used to work at Amazon and she said that during Christmas their project was titled “Project Saving Christmas”. Basically they ensured that everything was shipped out on time.

Now you may say, stop right there Baglady! You’re cheering for consumerism and spending! Well, actually I am saluting the people that make giving presents possible and these unsung heroes are the closest thing to real Santa Clauses. It is unfortunate that Christmas has become such a commercial holiday, but I do believe that Christmas is a celebration of Christ’s birth and giving presents during Christmas is a symbol of the gift of life Christ has given us. There is nothing wrong with making someone happy by giving them a gift! So finally, I would like to thank God, for letting me be on this earth this Christmas with my friends and family, and ultimately God is the one that makes everyone’s Christmas possible.

Have a safe and wonderful day today everyone!

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During a recent lunch with my coworkers we discussed marriage and two guys voiced their opposition to the institution of marriage. They weren’t against the concept of being monogamous at all. One man said that he doesn’t like the fact that he has to register his marriage with the government. He really doesn’t mind having a longterm commitment to one woman and he isn’t against having a ceremony declaring his current live-in girlfriend as his wife, but he feels that it’s ridiculous that the government has to get into a private union such as marriage and charge additional taxes. Another man said that he doesn’t like the fact marriage has historically been a business deal where a woman becomes the property of a man. He says that marriage is still very much about the ownership of property and he just thinks it’s a really archaic custom where two people join to increase their wealth.

I think they both had valid points. Marriage is an economic union no matter how we slice it. In many cultures it is customary to marry someone in the same economic standing as you are. In China the saying for the compatibility of economic stature is “meng dang hu dui”, which literally translates to “the suitable door and the matching household”. In Arab countries it is also common for cousins to marry each other in order to keep wealth within the same family. I think in America it is more of an unspoken rule , but for the most part couples I know do come from fairly similar economic backgrounds. If one partner happens to be a lot poorer than the other they may be labeled as a “golddigger” or “mooch”.

Disregarding arranged marriages, I think one of the main reasons we tend to end up with people in our own economic echelon is that these people usually live in the same neighborhoods, have similar educational backgrounds, and have common social circles. Also, when two people get married it’s easier to adapt to a lifestyle that is familiar to both of them so having similar economic backgrounds is actually a good thing for a marriage. So in most cases where we marry laterally we have an economic union that is a partnership or merger of sorts. In such a marriage the two parties have equal economic clout in the household.

In cases where one person “marries up” to another, the economic dynamics is more like a buyout. Basically the partner with more money could hold more power over the less financially endowed partner. As my coworker said, oftentimes women were treated like property in a marriage and it still happens today in many countries because women in those are forbidden to work and earn income.

I think in both cases there are problems and compromises have to be made for any marriage to work. In the case where two people are fairly equal in wealth and income there may be too much independence. Since a marriage is about combining two lives together into one the combining of spending and finances may be an issue of contention. I think the hubby and I have it figured out mostly. In the case where one person has no income or very little income the other partner may have too much power, and when that partner abuses that power there would be major problems in the relationship. Millionaire Mommy Next Door had an entire article about and unfortunately a lot of people are in these relationships where the person who brings home the bacon asserts his/her power with money. On the flipside of the coin, sometimes the person who earns money isn’t necessarily an abuser, but is just fed up with being a provider and becomes resentful. That is why there are sites like where men who feel trapped go to rant about their lives. However, I think these financially imbalanced marriages can work well if both partners appreciate each other more for what they do. A lot of stay at home partners do a lot of things around the household to improve the lives of the whole family, and that is work too. As long as both people recognize each other for what they do and care about money a bit less then it should work out.

Since a marriage is a very long relationship sometimes one partner’s financial situation changes so much that they’re no longer equals, or the person who married up suddenly started to earn more money than the other. In these cases there are problems because money can change people. In the case of , the couple started out with nothing, but his wife managed to help him get through Harvard Business School and then quit her job after he became an executive. Their marriage ended in a very public divorce where his exwife Lorna battled for half of his fortune. It is very unfortunate that these types of divorces happen over and over again.

Money issues is the number one reason couples divorce each other, so it’s best to figure out what kind of economic relationship you have with your mate before you get married. If you are already married having open and honest talks about your concerns with each other also helps a lot. I am still a newlywed but I hope that money will not change my hubby and I. So what sort of economic union do you have? A merger in progress or a total buyout? Are you a victim of economic abuse or are you a resentful provider?

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For the past few days my colleague’s sister has been missing. Her family tried very hard to find her and tonight I heard that a suspect has been arrested for her murder . Her body has not been found so perhaps there is a chance she is still out there, but the police has told her family that they believe the personal trainer in custody did murder her. I am just in a state of disbelief because this is just so senseless and even though I don’t know the victim I know her sister and how close their family is. All her siblings have taken time off from work in this search effort and I hate to see a tragic ending to this. We were all hoping that her sister just took a little vacation, but now that doesn’t seem to be the case.

This is a bizarre feeling I am having now because I just think of how many times I have read stories about murders in the paper and didn’t think too much about them. I guess it never affects you that much when the story doesn’t relate to you personally. It’s so weird to realize that all of these stories are real and it’s so horrifying to think that something like this could happen to anyone.

Anyway, I am still hoping that my colleague’s sister is still alive and there will be a happy Christmas reunion. I am still in shock because no one expected that anyone would want to cause harm to this woman. It’s also frightening to think that perhaps someone you know would want to kill you someday. Perhaps I sound sheltered by saying this because some people live in areas where violent crime is almost a way of life, but maybe that is why I am extremely affected by this event.

On the other side of the coin I find the Nguyen family’s bond and love to be amazing and encouraging. Her brothers investigated and found the abandoned car and the suspect for the police! A lot of people in this world go missing and no one even cares to look. I know my family would probably look for me and I am extremely blessed to have people who love me. I firmly believe that in the end good will always win over evil, because God is good.

I don’t know what more to say except to cherish those you love this holiday season, and the next, and for as long as your have them, because you never know what darkness could come and take them away.

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