Entries Tagged 'Relationships' ↓

Merry Christmas everyone!

Speaking of Christmas, I find it funny that one of the most popular icons of Christmas is Santa Claus. I always knew that the jolly fat man riding with reindeers and elves is not real since he did not exist in China when I was growing up. When I moved to America I was still a child, but I was old enough to know that any presents I received were given by my parents. I really thought that American kids are really gullible to believe that a rotund man would come down their chimneys like a cat burglar and drop glitzy packages of presents. Yet year after year the lie is perpetuated and millions of children are disappointed when they find out the truth. So today, I’d like to salute those who really make the grand operation known as Christmas joyous and possible.

First I’d like to thank all of the dedicated United States Postal workers and the employees of other package delivery operations such as UPS, FedEx, and DHL for working overtime and getting billions of packages delivered this holiday season. One of my friends is a supervisor at UPS and he has been leaving his pregnant wife home to go to work everyday at midnight. During the holiday season the volume of deliveries grow so much that these real people have to work more to bring you that new sweater or digital camera. If you know one of these hardworking men and women go ahead and thank them this holiday! My parents usually give something for the mail lady during Christmas and I think it’s a well deserved gift.

Next I’d like to thank all of the operations departments of retailers such as Amazon, or Walmart. These big retailers have amazing operations facilities that serves so many transactions during the holidays in order to bring holiday cheer. I remember that one of my classmates used to work at Amazon and she said that during Christmas their project was titled “Project Saving Christmas”. Basically they ensured that everything was shipped out on time.

Now you may say, stop right there Baglady! You’re cheering for consumerism and spending! Well, actually I am saluting the people that make giving presents possible and these unsung heroes are the closest thing to real Santa Clauses. It is unfortunate that Christmas has become such a commercial holiday, but I do believe that Christmas is a celebration of Christ’s birth and giving presents during Christmas is a symbol of the gift of life Christ has given us. There is nothing wrong with making someone happy by giving them a gift! So finally, I would like to thank God, for letting me be on this earth this Christmas with my friends and family, and ultimately God is the one that makes everyone’s Christmas possible.

Have a safe and wonderful day today everyone!

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During a recent lunch with my coworkers we discussed marriage and two guys voiced their opposition to the institution of marriage. They weren’t against the concept of being monogamous at all. One man said that he doesn’t like the fact that he has to register his marriage with the government. He really doesn’t mind having a longterm commitment to one woman and he isn’t against having a ceremony declaring his current live-in girlfriend as his wife, but he feels that it’s ridiculous that the government has to get into a private union such as marriage and charge additional taxes. Another man said that he doesn’t like the fact marriage has historically been a business deal where a woman becomes the property of a man. He says that marriage is still very much about the ownership of property and he just thinks it’s a really archaic custom where two people join to increase their wealth.

I think they both had valid points. Marriage is an economic union no matter how we slice it. In many cultures it is customary to marry someone in the same economic standing as you are. In China the saying for the compatibility of economic stature is “meng dang hu dui”, which literally translates to “the suitable door and the matching household”. In Arab countries it is also common for cousins to marry each other in order to keep wealth within the same family. I think in America it is more of an unspoken rule , but for the most part couples I know do come from fairly similar economic backgrounds. If one partner happens to be a lot poorer than the other they may be labeled as a “golddigger” or “mooch”.

Disregarding arranged marriages, I think one of the main reasons we tend to end up with people in our own economic echelon is that these people usually live in the same neighborhoods, have similar educational backgrounds, and have common social circles. Also, when two people get married it’s easier to adapt to a lifestyle that is familiar to both of them so having similar economic backgrounds is actually a good thing for a marriage. So in most cases where we marry laterally we have an economic union that is a partnership or merger of sorts. In such a marriage the two parties have equal economic clout in the household.

In cases where one person “marries up” to another, the economic dynamics is more like a buyout. Basically the partner with more money could hold more power over the less financially endowed partner. As my coworker said, oftentimes women were treated like property in a marriage and it still happens today in many countries because women in those are forbidden to work and earn income.

I think in both cases there are problems and compromises have to be made for any marriage to work. In the case where two people are fairly equal in wealth and income there may be too much independence. Since a marriage is about combining two lives together into one the combining of spending and finances may be an issue of contention. I think the hubby and I have it figured out mostly. In the case where one person has no income or very little income the other partner may have too much power, and when that partner abuses that power there would be major problems in the relationship. Millionaire Mommy Next Door had an entire article about economic abuse and unfortunately a lot of people are in these relationships where the person who brings home the bacon asserts his/her power with money. On the flipside of the coin, sometimes the person who earns money isn’t necessarily an abuser, but is just fed up with being a provider and becomes resentful. That is why there are sites like NoMarriage.com where men who feel trapped go to rant about their lives. However, I think these financially imbalanced marriages can work well if both partners appreciate each other more for what they do. A lot of stay at home partners do a lot of things around the household to improve the lives of the whole family, and that is work too. As long as both people recognize each other for what they do and care about money a bit less then it should work out.

Since a marriage is a very long relationship sometimes one partner’s financial situation changes so much that they’re no longer equals, or the person who married up suddenly started to earn more money than the other. In these cases there are problems because money can change people. In the case of Gary Wendt the CEO of GE, the couple started out with nothing, but his wife managed to help him get through Harvard Business School and then quit her job after he became an executive. Their marriage ended in a very public divorce where his exwife Lorna battled for half of his fortune. It is very unfortunate that these types of divorces happen over and over again.

Money issues is the number one reason couples divorce each other, so it’s best to figure out what kind of economic relationship you have with your mate before you get married. If you are already married having open and honest talks about your concerns with each other also helps a lot. I am still a newlywed but I hope that money will not change my hubby and I. So what sort of economic union do you have? A merger in progress or a total buyout? Are you a victim of economic abuse or are you a resentful provider?

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For the past few days my colleague’s sister has been missing. Her family tried very hard to find her and tonight I heard that a suspect has been arrested for her murder due to the investigative efforts of her brothers. Her body has not been found so perhaps there is a chance she is still out there, but the police has told her family that they believe the personal trainer in custody did murder her. I am just in a state of disbelief because this is just so senseless and even though I don’t know the victim I know her sister and how close their family is. All her siblings have taken time off from work in this search effort and I hate to see a tragic ending to this. We were all hoping that her sister just took a little vacation, but now that doesn’t seem to be the case.

This is a bizarre feeling I am having now because I just think of how many times I have read stories about murders in the paper and didn’t think too much about them. I guess it never affects you that much when the story doesn’t relate to you personally. It’s so weird to realize that all of these stories are real and it’s so horrifying to think that something like this could happen to anyone.

Anyway, I am still hoping that my colleague’s sister is still alive and there will be a happy Christmas reunion. I am still in shock because no one expected that anyone would want to cause harm to this woman. It’s also frightening to think that perhaps someone you know would want to kill you someday. Perhaps I sound sheltered by saying this because some people live in areas where violent crime is almost a way of life, but maybe that is why I am extremely affected by this event.

On the other side of the coin I find the Nguyen family’s bond and love to be amazing and encouraging. Her brothers investigated and found the abandoned car and the suspect for the police! A lot of people in this world go missing and no one even cares to look. I know my family would probably look for me and I am extremely blessed to have people who love me. I firmly believe that in the end good will always win over evil, because God is good.

I don’t know what more to say except to cherish those you love this holiday season, and the next, and for as long as your have them, because you never know what darkness could come and take them away.

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Well everyone, this is the 100th post! In the past four months or so The Baglady has had over 20000 visitors and over 45000 page views. The large spikes in visitors I have had came from The Consumerist, Patrick.net, and GetRichSlowly. This blog really started as something to entertain myself and my friends, but I am glad that I managed to provoke, entertain, and inform so many other people from my little corner of the world to the end of the earth. So thank you all for reading The Baglady!

I enjoy writing about whatever comes to my mind and so perhaps this blog may seem a bit random, but that is how I am. I want to share my life experiences with others and my blog is sending out my voice to be heard and I find that quite satisfying. I have had blogs in the past, but this is the one that has lasted the longest and I have definitely put in quite a bit of effort into writing this blog. When I was young I wanted to be a journalist, but for practical reasons I became an engineer. In a way this blog is fulfilling that childhood dream because people are reading what I write, and I am publishing anything I want.

For a little flash back, here are my personal favorite articles of this blog:

When Did “The American Dream” Become Debt? — This article has been featured as an editor’s pick at the Carnival of Personal Finance at Cash Money Life and the Carnival of Debt Reduction at Blogging Away Debt! Additionally it was linked by Karen Datko of MSN money’s SmartSpending blog.

Would You Ever Sell Your Eggs? – Since I wrote this article I found that there is a huge interest in selling eggs. Now about 30 to 40% of my search engine traffic comes from people searching for information on how much they can get for their eggs. It’s pretty funny to me.

The Anatomy of Crazy Bosses – A collection of crazy bosses I have observed.

Early Retirement May Not Be Optional For Twentysomethings — This is my personal pessimistic view of the future, but as people have pointed out, I may be wrong because more jobs will be created.

My Super Cheap Ex-Boyfriend — This article just never dies and was linked by J.D. at GetRichSlowly. It showed me that a lot of women have cheap boyfriends and are quite bothered by it because there are searches about this every single day. It is also now in Chinese.

This blog will continue to grow in the future, and most recently I started a Chinese version of the site. It is written in simplified Chinese and it is a place for me to practice my Chinese. So far I only translated one article, and it took me a pretty long time. We’re living in a crazy era, and I am sure there will be a lot of insanities for me to record.

Until next time, I leave you with this excellent video about the new internet bubble. 

Once again, thank you all for reading and commenting on The Baglady.

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About fourteen years ago the term “Generation Y” was coined to describe people of my generation. Recently my generation has started to enter the work place and I am reading a lot of articles about how hard it is for companies to manage and retain twenty-somethings like me. I would like to address what I have read in the media about my generation and work from my own experience.

A Sense of Entitlement — This is the number one thing hiring managers complain about Gen-Ys in the workplace. Basically they say that Gen-Ys want to be paid well and do not want to work their way up. Here is how I see it. If I have the same title as 50 year olds and I perform the same job, why shouldn’t I be compensated at the same rate? Why should I be paid lower if I can produce just as much quality work as people much older than me? So I don’t see asking for a good compensation package as a sense of entitlement, but as a sense of fairness. Recently a hiring manager told me that I am paid very well for a 24 year old and I am asking for a lot, but my answer to that is I am worth it and age shouldn’t matter in determining a salary. Additionally, it’s illegal to discriminate in hiring based on age. I did get an offer on that particular job but I turned it down. Another key thing companies have to realize is that years of experience do not equate to quality work.

No Respect for Authority? — Research states that Gen-Ys have a lot less respect for authority than previous generations. I don’t think this is true at all. I have a lot of respect for my highly intelligent and sensible managers, but I am not afraid to tell a person higher up that I think they’re wrong and suggest something different. I think most of my peers are the same. We have respect for those who deserve our respect, but when we encounter stupidity we will question it. The worst thing that can happen is that we get a new job. I think a lot of older managers are not used to this type of questioning from their subordinates and conflicts arise when they’re stubborn and want young people like me to follow directions to the tee. Basically, if a boss wants the best out of me he/she has to be at his or her best as well. Respect has to be earned and not taken for granted and abused. So I would say it’s closer to the truth that we have no fear of authority, but we do respect our supervisors if they are good coworkers.

Loyalty Has To Go Both Ways – Another big complaint of companies is that Gen-Ys switch jobs much more often than their predecessors. The reason for that is companies aren’t loyal to their employees anymore. I am young, but I am not stupid. I’ve seen how corporations lay off thousands of people in a blink of an eye for their own bottom line. Most hiring agreements are at-will and if companies are all about their own individual profit there is no incentive for me to stick around if there is a better opportunity. With the cutting of pension plans and benefits there is very little incentive for Gen-Ys to become “lifers” at a company.

Work Is Not the Most Important Thing in Life — This is a paradigm that isn’t practiced very much by older generations. I think a lot of people of my parents’ generation realize that work shouldn’t be the most important thing in life, but still work so much that they don’t spend time with their families. As children of these workaholics Gen-Ys want flexible working schedules and more time off because they want time to enjoy the fruits of their labor. Of course, this behavior is considered lazy and demanding by a lot of traditional workplaces. I think the growing popularity of telecommuting and flexible work hours is a change for the better and our older coworkers could benefit from it if they choose to.

Try to See Us as Equals and Forget About Age — I think most of us want to be treated as equals by older coworkers. I can see why people would be resentful when they’re being managed by those who are half their age when they feel more experienced and skillful. Heck, I have experienced a bit of this resentment when I interviewed older people. When there is a huge disparity in age in the workplace the older workers greatly underestimate the ability of the younger workers. I think everyone needs to just take age out of the equation and objectively examine the quality of work of each person. Otherwise, underestimating the ability of anyone based on their age is discrimination.

With that said, I am constantly learning from those around me regardless of age. I just think there are quite a lot of misconceptions thrown in the media about twenty-somethings. We are not lazy, and we don’t have an easy and coddled life. In fact, we’re facing lower pay, less social benefits, and higher costs so corporate America really can’t blame us for constantly searching for a better life. I think a lot of readers of this blog are young professionals like me and would agree with my observations, but I would like to hear about what you consider as a misconception about our generation. Also to my older readers, what irks you the most about twenty-somethings in your workplace?

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