Entries Tagged 'Relationships' ↓

It’s been a while since I translated a chapter of my dad’s story of how we immigrated to America and started a new life.  This is a bonus  story he wrote at the end of Chapter 3 that doesn’t have much to do with his new college life.  Anyway, it is an episode in our lives that is worth mentioning.  For more of my dad’s narrative see the category marked Fifteen Years in America. Enjoy!
—-

In the winter of 1992, I received an acceptance letter from Kap’iolani Community College.  Since I was an international student, I did not qualify for the inexpensive in state tuition.  The rate for international students was more than $1000 per semester.  Registration was due on 1/13 and classes started on 1/18.  When I was about to start school, two events happened.  One was a good thing, and the other was not.

First let me explain the joyous event.  When Helen was in college during the late 1970s she was a translator for a group of American educators that visited China.  Because of this she met an elementary teacher from Pensacola, Florida named Betty.  Betty’s husband was a retired military man of the United States Air Force.  At that time Betty was more than 60 years old but she was extremely interested in China.  After she met Helen she was quite interested in Helen’s education and life.  They became penpals for many years.  Even after we were married they kept on writing each other.  After Xin was born Betty was quite interested in Xin’s growth and education.  Everytime Xin had a birthday she would send some books and gifts.  When Helen arrived in Hawaii, the person that came to pick her up from the airport was Betty’s good friend.

After Xin and I came to America, Betty wrote us a letter saying that she is preparing a surprise for Xin.  Right before Christmas we received a letter from Los Angeles from a woman named Lynn.  In the envelope there were three roundtrip tickets from Hawaii to LA and three tickets to Disneyland worth 56 dollars each.  The letter said that we were invited as guests of the Presbyterian Church to a Christmas in Los Angeles.  Later we found out that this was the surprise Betty was talking about.

This was our first Christmas in America.  Lynn had a Ford, and she drove us from the Los Angeles Airport to her home.  Lynn is also a elementary school teacher, and her husband is a professor at UCLA.  They have two children, one boy and one girl.  The boy is the older child and his name is John.  He just graduated from college and his major was English.  However, he joined a fishing company and worked on the oceans as a fisherman.  I heard from Lynn that being a fisherman is hard and dangerous work and the pay was not spectacular, but John was  young and wanted to broaden his experience.  His parents thought that it was a good idea and did not protest.  At that time, I honestly didn’t understand the mindset of American parents.  I always thought that when children graduate from college they should go to graduate school and join academia, and I would never allow my child to do such hard and dangerous work.  However, after being in America for a while I understood more of the American educational system.  I think perhaps this type of hard labor is a lesson   American parents hope that their children could learn.  Perhaps in those dangerous waves, John could receive the inspiration Hemingway had when he wrote “The Old Man and the Sea”.

That week, Lynn’s church had a volunteer to drive us somewhere every single day.  We went to Disneyland and Xin was extremely excited and had a wonderful time.  Additionally,  we toured Hollywood and went to many different museums.  Nevertheless, that Christmas we were extremely happy.  I wanted to thank Lynn and her family for being such gracious hosts so I bought a chicken from the supermarket and made a Chinese style roast chicken.  I put many different ingredients and also sticky rice inside the stomach of the chicken and baked it for three hours until the skin was crispy and brown.  Lynn’s family tasted my chicken and praised it quite a bit, and said that I should visit them more often.

We could never forget that event and Betty’s love for our family.  A little over five years ago I and Helen visited Betty in Florida.  At that time, she was more than 80.  I cooked several Chinese dishes for her and when she heard that we both had great jobs and Xin was studying at UC Berkeley she felt very relieved.  Today, even though Betty already left us, her smiles and voice is still often remembered in our family.

—

Addendum from Xin:  I still remember that Christmas really clearly even thought it has been more than fifteen  years because it was beautiful.  The funniest moment I remember was that Lynn’s family sat down to pray over the food, and my dad didn’t quite understand it.  So when they said something like, “Thank you for this food”, my dad blurted out something like “no problem!” because he cooked the chicken.  My mom was embarrassed and then explained it to him later.  It’s still pretty funny when I think of it.

Share This

Some time ago I wrote an article about crazy bosses and how they could drive you crazy. I haven’t had any super crazy boss, but I have had some nice bosses. Today I want to discuss the phenomenon when nice bosses actually encourage me to work harder voluntarily.

My current boss is really nice. He is really easy going and trusts people to work on their own. He wants us to get things done, but he never pushes extremely hard. He always allows people to take care of their personal hardships first and seems to truly care about his team. This week I asked for a day off for Friday because of the hubby’s bonus Vegas trip. So I asked if he would sign my vacation form, and he said don’t worry about it and just go. Then he told our entire team that we could take the whole week off because we just finished our release. This is actually the second time he negotiated with upper management to give us a week off. When our team is on a deadline we do work pretty hard and put in time late at night or on weekends so the days off are like a release bonus for all of us. Now the hubby says that I can use the time to clean the house and lose some weight. I’m not sure if that will really happen, but I could try.

I think nice bosses actually encourage me to work harder. When I am left alone and not prodded constantly I tend to finish my tasks faster. The key takeaway here is that if a boss leaves you alone to do your tasks it shows that he or she trusts you. Having that trust allows me to do the best I can do. I think if I had a crazy boss that looked over my shoulders constantly while I worked I would be pretty annoyed and just try to get him or her off my back as soon as possible.

Another thing is that by being nice, a boss actually instills loyalty in his or her reports. I know that in a previous article about Gen-Y and the workplace I wrote that there isn’t much loyalty between employees and companies these days, but there I believe loyalty still exists between people. For example, my team at work all share the same goal when we are working, and we all want our product to be the best so that everyone on the team can look good in the company. Having a nice leader makes me want success for the entire team because in a way I don’t want to disappoint them.

Finally, I believe that having a competent and nice boss is really better than having a higher salary because to me a friendly working environment is more important than money. What do you think? Do nice bosses naturally encourage you to work harder?

Share This

In my last company I was used to getting monetary bonuses based on my performance reviews. Don’t get me wrong, I love bonus checks, but after getting them as a routine they lose a bit of their luster. When a bonus check is smaller than usual it is also hard to appreciate the fact that it is a bonus. I usually just save my bonuses like my regular salary, and that’s that.

My husband’s company deals with bonuses in another manner. He has never gotten a bonus check as large as mine, but he has gotten awesome schwag. Since he joined the company they have given him a free Xbox 360 and a Wii gaming system. We play with the Xbox quite often and it is something we would not have bought if it weren’t free. We gave the Wii to a friend because we already had a system, but it was still a very nice gift from the company.

Today he dropped a bomb on me and told me that his company is sponsoring a weekend trip for all employees plus one to Vegas. We will also get some spending cash for the weekend. I am so ridiculously excited about this trip that the cockles of my heart are aglow like a supernova. I have never been to the Strip in Vegas before and I just feel like I won a huge prize right now. In actuality, it is a bonus for the hubby’s work, but the truth is that I think I would not be as excited and happy if he just brought home an extra check because we are really in no dire need for extra money. This is a trip we would have not taken if his company were not sponsoring it, and that is a real bonus.

My mom is also a recipient of non-monetary bonuses in the past. Her last company was tiny and the owner is extremely generous. He often had awesome parties with the most amazing food. They were also flown to New York one summer just to visit the boss’s house and have a party.

I think sometimes experiences and things are more memorable as bonuses than money, and could help a company win the loyalty of its employees without costing all that much. For example, an Xbox 360 system is about $300 to $400, and we are still loving it. We tell our friends that the hubby’s company just gave it to him, and they are all impressed by it. On the other hand, telling a friend that you got a $400 monetary bonus isn’t all that memorable or impressive.

So which bonus would make you love your company more? A $5000 check or a trip to Hawaii?

Share This

This is a continuation of my family’s immigration story written by my dad. If you missed the introduction it’s available here. If you can read Chinese the chapters are available at my family’s blog here. Chapter one is about how my mother got my dad and myself to America. It is sort of long so I am splitting it into several parts. Enjoy and feel free to subscribe to this blog’s full feed if you don’t want to miss anything!

Fifteen Years in America - Chapter 1: The Struggle Before the Reunion

Fifteen years ago, I took the plane tickets my wife Helen sent me and took my daughter to Hongqiao International Airport in Shanghai. My daughter Xin just turned nine. Perhaps it was because she was going to see her mother for the first time in over a year, she was extremely excited and did not sleep very well the night before. Then she fell asleep in the car on the way to Shanghai. My brother in law Ji Chang and a colleague Wen Hua sent us to the airport. At the airport, Xin woke up and was full of energy once again. She started to play the Gameboy I just bought for her.

As I looked at the Japan Airlines Boeing 737 outside of the terminal’s window, I was overwhelmed by hundreds of emotions. Yes, this is the land that nurtured me for over thirty years, this is where my friends and family live, and this is the place where I worked passionately in my career in education. All of these things were hard for me to let go.

Before I left, my coworkers in my department gave me a farewell party. That night, after everyone said goodbye, I loudly recited a poem by Su Dongpo titled August 15:

How often is the moon bright, I lift my wine to the azure sky and ask.
I wonder what year it is tonight in the celestial palaces?
I am willing to leave with the wind, but I am afraid of the chill
high above those beautiful jade buildings.
The moon dances and casts clear shadows, as if it is amongst mortals
It surrounds crimson towers, and creeps beneath the carved windows,
and shines upon those who cannot sleep.
It should not know hate, but why is it always round when we are parting?
Men have sadness, joy, parting, and reunion
Just as the moon may be dark, bright, round, and incomplete.
This has always been hard to understand fully since ancient times.
I can only hope that we can live long and admire the moon together
even if we are thousands of miles apart.

Su Dongpo is an extraordinary poet, and I have always loved his words. I especially like the passion he expressed in his other poem titled “Lian Ru Jiao - Che Bi Huai Gu”. However, at the time I was about to leave my parents, friends, and colleagues so I felt that Master Su’s poem “August 15th” truly conveyed my feelings. It is truly hard to leave my homeland, and it is hard to understand the sadness in parting, and the joy in reunion at the same time. Even though China’s Mid-Autumn festival uses the lunar calender’s August 15 and it is different from the Gregorian calendar, I know my wife Helen ordered plane tickets for August 15th because of the meaning of reunion attached to this date. Reunion is something every family wants, and Helen is the person who sacrificed enormously for our family’s reunion.

One year prior in 1991, Helen was accepted by the Theatre department at the University of Hawai’i at Manoa as a PhD student. When she walked out of Honolulu International Airport, her American penpal Betty asked a friend named Alice to give her a ride from the airport. When Alice asked Helen where she needed to go, Helen had no idea. Before she left China she left most of our savings for our child, and brought only $200 to America. With this pittance she could not even rent a room for two weeks in Hawaii.

Alice took Helen to the International Student Services building at University of Hawaii. In America, most state universities have international student services and their mission is to help international students. They usually have activities and clubs for international students and also help with registration and various Visa processing issues. They also deal with employment and the immigration of relatives. For example, if an international student wants to work off campus they would need the permission of the school. If an international student wants to return to their home country for vacation, they would also need the service to give approval on their I-20 form. At that time the director of the services at the university was an American born Chinese woman named Jennie. She was a very enthusiastic and hardworking director who was very well liked by the students. Perhaps it was because she is Chinese herself, she was especially fond of helping Chinese students. She was extremely surprised when she saw that Helen came into the office with two large suitcases. Even though the international students service helps these students, they are not responsible for finding people a place to live or deal with other personal issues. She asked Helen why did she come to the office and Helen said she has no idea where she is supposed to go, and is just trying to find a place to stay. Jennie asked Helen how much money she had and Helen answered $200. Jennie knew that there was no way Helen could rent anything, so she called a nearby church and asked for help. (To be continued)

Translator’s Note: Su Dongpo is a famous poet from the Song dynasty (around 1000 AD). There are many translations of his poems and this is a translation based on my understanding. The ancient Chinese texts usually didn’t have punctuation so you can intepret it in a lot of ways. August 15th in the Chinese lunar calendar is the Mid-Autumn festival, which is a day for reunion of families. Lunar calendars correspond precisely to the lunar cycle so the 15th of any month is a full moon. The closest thing to this festival in America would be Thanksgiving. During the Mid-Autumn festival families get together to eat mooncakes and watch the full moon. The same festival is celebrated in several other Asian countries.

Share This

Merry Christmas everyone!

Speaking of Christmas, I find it funny that one of the most popular icons of Christmas is Santa Claus. I always knew that the jolly fat man riding with reindeers and elves is not real since he did not exist in China when I was growing up. When I moved to America I was still a child, but I was old enough to know that any presents I received were given by my parents. I really thought that American kids are really gullible to believe that a rotund man would come down their chimneys like a cat burglar and drop glitzy packages of presents. Yet year after year the lie is perpetuated and millions of children are disappointed when they find out the truth. So today, I’d like to salute those who really make the grand operation known as Christmas joyous and possible.

First I’d like to thank all of the dedicated United States Postal workers and the employees of other package delivery operations such as UPS, FedEx, and DHL for working overtime and getting billions of packages delivered this holiday season. One of my friends is a supervisor at UPS and he has been leaving his pregnant wife home to go to work everyday at midnight. During the holiday season the volume of deliveries grow so much that these real people have to work more to bring you that new sweater or digital camera. If you know one of these hardworking men and women go ahead and thank them this holiday! My parents usually give something for the mail lady during Christmas and I think it’s a well deserved gift.

Next I’d like to thank all of the operations departments of retailers such as Amazon, or Walmart. These big retailers have amazing operations facilities that serves so many transactions during the holidays in order to bring holiday cheer. I remember that one of my classmates used to work at Amazon and she said that during Christmas their project was titled “Project Saving Christmas”. Basically they ensured that everything was shipped out on time.

Now you may say, stop right there Baglady! You’re cheering for consumerism and spending! Well, actually I am saluting the people that make giving presents possible and these unsung heroes are the closest thing to real Santa Clauses. It is unfortunate that Christmas has become such a commercial holiday, but I do believe that Christmas is a celebration of Christ’s birth and giving presents during Christmas is a symbol of the gift of life Christ has given us. There is nothing wrong with making someone happy by giving them a gift! So finally, I would like to thank God, for letting me be on this earth this Christmas with my friends and family, and ultimately God is the one that makes everyone’s Christmas possible.

Have a safe and wonderful day today everyone!

Share This