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My husband and I are both fortunate to have generous parents who paid for most of our college expenses.  From my experience, it seems that in the Asian community parents are always expected to pay for their children’s higher education. I have even heard of stories of some parents who take money from their homes or retirement  to pay for a son or daughter’s schooling. Now that I am expecting a child, I am wondering if parents are really obligated to pay for their children’s higher education.  After all, parents already spend considerable time and money raising a child into an adult.  Should they be obligated to pay the expenses of their legally adult children  for another four years or more?

My personal take on this is that parents really have no obligation to pay for college after raising their children to age eighteen because they have done enough.  Parents who pay for their kids’ college expenses are bestowing their children a huge gift, but when something comes too easily  it may not be appreciated as much as something earned by hard work. I have met quite a few classmates who had everything paid for and then later dropped out because they did not focus on their studies.  On the other hand,  I know some people who did not have parental help during college who worked extremely hard and ended up doing quite well.  They did so well precisely because they did not have a parental financial cushion, and they knew that they needed to work hard and  be on the top to win more scholarships and internships.

Some parents use the fact that they are paying for college to dictate many aspects of their children’s lives, and I really think that is worse than not paying for college.  I know too many people who hated what they were studying in college but still soldiered on because they felt like they were obligated to please their parents by graduating with a degree in a certain major. Many of these classmates ended up doing something radically different from their college majors after they were out of college and tasted freedom.  These outcomes make the parental sponsored schooling almost pointless.

When parents refuse to pay for their children’s higher education, they are basically letting the young adults become independent right after highschool.  That is not a bad thing at all because there has to be a point where parents let go of their children and let them survive on their own.  I have to admit that I only felt true freedom after I graduated from college and got my first job because I truly no longer depended on my parents. For some people higher education is not necessary for success, and letting a young adult explore the possibilities outside of an institutionalized education system might also be beneficial.

In closing, I think parents should not feel obligated to pay for their children’s higher education unless they are legally ordered to do so by a court. I would probably help my kid with college expenses since I am sure any school will become extremely expensive in 18 years, but I would help in the form of a loan of some sort.  As the cost of higher education rises it is impossible to expect parents to afford everything and the college aged children will have to pitch in by securing scholarships, grants, and work to fund their own education if they want it.

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viagra oral drugson 04.22.09 at 1:25 pm

I agree with you; I don’t think parents have any obligation to pay for their kid’s college or graduate education; those that choose to do so are giving their kids a huge gift. As a recipient of such a gift from my parents, I’m eternally grateful. But also, I plan to return to grad school and pay for it 100% on my own.

Another option I’ve heard of that solves the “I’ll pay for college so I can tell you what to do with your life” problem is generous parents can set up a trust fund that can be used for educational expenses at any age or for anything once the recipient reaches a certain age (say, 30).

viagra oral drugson 04.22.09 at 3:14 pm

Great post!

Being recently out of college myself, I can totally relate to this post. I’m not expecting a child anytime soon so I haven’t really thought about the whole raising and paying for college thing but I know that some degree parental input (whether it be financial or simply moral) is essential regardless of age or occupation.

Because I come form a family with very modest means, my college tuition ended up being a 50/50 kind of deal. I was lucky enough to be a little bit intellygant to I managed to pretty much breeze through high school and when college time came around, it was more a matter of where to go instead of whether to go.

I was offered a partial scholarship to a famous university in the northeast but in the end, I had to go to State school because even after the scholarship and financial aid, private school was still about 200% more expensive than State.

To bring my little story back on topic, I’ll say that parents have a responsibility to enable their children to live up to their potential. Many factors come into play and helping your child financially can be a great asset to a child when he/she is ready to blosom. The involvement of parents must be adapted for every single child. Nothing must be decided in advance.

Here are a few extreme scenarios:
1. Parents make it very clear that the child will get a free ride in college no matter what. Kid gets complacent and drops out/flunks everything/or worse.
2. Parents will pay for college but the child must follow in the family footsteps and carry the “family legacy”. Kid succeeds (or not) but may grow deeply unhappy.
3. Parents make it clear that they will not pay for college and that the gravy trains stops at HS graduation. Kid learns the value of tough love but may grow distant to his parents for missed opportunities (i.e. better, pricier school).

I think your point of view is leaning towards #3 and I think it is a bit early to decide already.
Something you didn’t mention in the post is the child’s maturity. Rather than have the “here’s the deal” college talk at the dinner table one night, I think it’d be much better to have the “college’s coming up, let’s make a deal”.

The key is balance. Giving your kid a freebie or throwing them out after high school are decisions that should not be made without first consulting the interested.

Building strong morals and values are very important to a child’s development but so are flexibility and open-mindedness.


viagra oral drugson 04.24.09 at 12:41 am

I don’t know that parents have an obligation to pay for college, but I think parents should encourage additional education after high school whether it’s a trade school or college.

Our oldest daughter is completing her sophomore year at an expensive private college. Luckily, she is an amazing student and earned much in academic scholarships and grants, so it’s better, but we are struggling and it’s still more than state schools. She is extremely happy there and is thriving in college. She is currently earning enough money to study abroad for her first semester next year. She knows we can’t send her, so she’s earning the right to go, even if it means additional student loans.

Our youngest in still in high school and has never been what you would call a model student. She has no desire to go to college, but she loves photography and will enter a mentorship program for it next year. Hopefully this step (along with certification in cosmetology) will begin her dream career in fashion photography.

I think the only obligation a parent has is to love their children and support their decision, whether it means college or not. Forcing a child to go to college when they don’t want to be there or have a different dream is pointless and using college tuition as a manipulation tactic is awful!

viagra oral drugson 05.14.09 at 5:06 pm

parents should feel obligated to pay for their children’s college education. it is not the responsibility of the student to provide him/herself the means for a secondary education.

viagra oral drugson 10.02.09 at 1:38 am

As long as financial aid formulas include an “expected family contribution” from family and disqualify children from financial aid if their parents make too much money, there will be an expectation that parents pay for their childrens’ education at least partially or else children will have to turn to extremely expensive loan shark programs if their parents won’t contribute and government loans aren’t available because the parents aren’t contributing ‘enough’; this would run completely opposite to the idea of encouraging people to pursue education.

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