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We did this after I got my advanced degree and then a good teaching position at a university. My husband stayed home and took care of our daughter (she was in third grade when we started this). He eventually got some parttime teaching work, but I was the primary breadwinner for 13 years and we were both very happy with that arrangement.
It’s great that you’re thinking about this now. It’s really impossible to know what life will be like when you’re a parent until you become one, but nevertheless it’s good to think about.
One point I’d like to bring up that you haven’t discussed — I’m sure it’s obvious to a smart woman like you but at the risk of stating the obvious — if one parent stayed at home, your child will reap tremendous benefits! Unless you’re totally incompetent and abusive, the best day care will not even come close to match the benefit of abundant time and closeness with a parent. The first few years of life is absolutely crucial to the rest of the life of a person. You’ll be giving your child the best gift he/she can have at the start — constant attachment to a parent.
Besides, a kid is very demanding. Life will be infinitely less complicated and stressful to juggle one job as opposed to two. My wife and I tried juggling two part-time jobs and shared childcare duties when our first child was born. Soon we switched to me working full-time and she staying home. SO much better. I would have gladly stayed home, though, if she had a career that could provide for us.
Anyway — best wishes!
ari
Family run day care in the bay area will cost you about $1000 a month. At the cheapest, it’s around $750 a month. Craiglist is your best way of finding day care with openings. Make sure the place lists a license. You can use the license to do further research on the provider. Take your child with you when you check out a new day care. If your baby doesn’t like the provider, keep looking.
“husbands tried out the stay at home thing and got ridiculously bored and went back to work” hilarious!
A question for you – would YOU be jealous of the bonding time with the child and working as a stay-at-home-parent rather than in the business world?
I’m not sure if I’d be jealous. My husband is hoping that when the kid is a baby he or she would just sleep a lot. It seems like babies do sleep a lot. I don’t think I’d do as well as a stay at home parent just because I would be ridiculously bored. Even if I blog I can get bored.
Staying home with the kids is great, but don’t let him get his heart (or the budget) set on doing much work at home. It is extremely difficult to concentrate for an extended period of time with kids around, making programming a hard task. The baby stage passes so quickly and then they are needing constant supervision for several years. When more come along (we have 3 boys) the stay-at-home parent’s day becomes very fractured. Maybe you two could have an arrangement though where he gets some uninterrupted time at night or on weekends to do his work. I agree with Ari that it is very important for one of you to be home with the baby. You will be very glad you did it. Ari is also right about it being impossible to know what being a parent will be like – my husband laughs about how often he eats crow for the comments he made before our kids came along. Good luck – I’m sure with all of the thought you’ve put into it you two will be very successful parents.
Growing up, one of my classmates had a stay at home dad, and we were all a little bit jealous! Plus it was just nice to be able to have a dad around for class trips and stuff. Something different than all the moms, and it showed the kids in the class that there was no such thing as “mom jobs” or “dad jobs.”
The thing is, you will never know how it works out until you try it. I think in theory it is a great idea. Any parent staying at home with the child, be it the mother or the father, is a better alternative than leaving the child in daycare. No one knows a kid better than the parent. Good luck though. I’m rooting for the stay at home daddy scenario since you seem to be OK with it.
You are right, we’d never know what’s going to happen in practice. I’ll write about it again when it actually happens.
It is very smart to think ahead, and I think you have weighed many things. One thing to see is if your husband could continue to work from home, that is sometimes a possibility in the field he is in…I think. I know many wonder stay at home dads who are doing a great job and loving every minute of the decision.
Wow! That your husband even consider being a stay-at-home dad is really something you must be proud of. Most dad never like the idea of taking care of the kids while wife works because it hurts their “ego”. Anyway, my wife and I are actually living with a single income, that is from me. She resigned from her treasury managerial job last Feb and I’m now the source of cash flow in the family.
For me its the best decision we did. Knowing that my baby will be raised by my wife gives me the confidence that my son will grow with the right values, as opposed to sending them to day care or having somebody else do it for us (which is pretty normal here in Philippines)
Sam
Fix My Personal Finance
ps: he may also consider blogging, who knows he might earn more than you do on blogging alone*laughs*
That’s a similar thought process that my wife and I went through before our first child, and she ended up staying at home for our first and now second children. I have to sound a massive alarm on these statements, though, as Kay did. I base this on my wife’s experience over the last 2.5 years and my two 6-week stabs at problogging where I “watched the kids and worked from home”:
“he would have a lot of free time for his own projects”: you may think that being a stay-at-home parent gives you some free time, and it does at first when the infant is still sleeping a lot, but trust me – once they start walking you will never have 30 uninterrupted minutes to accomplish ANYTHING.
“He also has tons of movies he would like to watch, dozens of books he wants to read, and so much stuff he wants to learn.” See above. Between washing, playing, feeding, etc. it’s not like you have hours of quiet time to watch TV or read books.
“he could just hang out with all the other stay at home parents he knows”. Kids are on different sleeping schedules, it’s tough to trek over to someone else’s house, and it’s not that relaxing to be around a half dozen toddlers.
“one of the hubby’s best friends has a work schedule where he gets home in the early afternoon so they could hang out.” If your husband’s best friend enjoys hanging out while your husband spoons strained carrots and changes poopy diapers he’ll be a good best friend indeed.
I know that sounds harsh but my wife had big plans to “do all that stuff she never had time for” when she quit her corporate job. She has less free time now, and with two forget it. Just be realistic – child care is not easy or predictable!
All that having been said, I think having one parent stay home results in massive improvements in vocabulary, self-confidence, health, etc. We see that compared to neighbors with kids in day care or with nannies without a doubt.
I’ll ditto what Brip Blap just said. I went through a similar time-off and I can tell you I am glad to be back at work so I can finally get some stuff done!
Your husband will be in for the shock of a lifetime if he really believes he will have anything more than nap time to do anything.
Mike
Yeah, I’m a stay at home parent and believe me… free time is hard to come by. I even get jealous of my husband’s lunch hour. lol. Or even his commute. Seriously, I would pay for 30 minutes alone in the car once in a while.
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