In part one I talked about dealing prejudice, and I got some pretty interesting comments. I encourage you guys to check it out. In this part I want to talk about the reasons why in some instances you shouldn’t try so hard to fit in. Granted, everyone wants to be “normal”, and I expressed that feeling in a previous post about sending children to school early. However, being “normal” is not always wise, and you shouldn’t follow along for the sake of being part of the majority.
It all started when I was a kid. I was never into fashion and I was fine with wearing things I picked out at church sales for 25 cents. Heck, I still have one of those shirts and I wear it sometimes. I have been teased about my clothing in elementary school, but it didn’t matter to me. I knew that having brand name clothes and shoes wouldn’t really affect my schoolwork and I had good friends anyway. Additionally, my parents really didn’t have money to buy me new clothes so there was no reason for me to unnecessarily add to their expenses.
Now that I am an adult, I think I still tend to shy away from what is considered popular. For example, I still don’t have an iPod, and I don’t intend to ever get one. I could afford a very nice car, but I have no need for it. Considering how many of my coworkers have extremely luxury cars I would say that I am in the minority. I’m not in a car contest with them, so I don’t feel the need to join in and fit in. I have to confess that as a teenager I wanted a Porsche, but now I understand that fancy cars are not necessarily a mark of success because most of them are financed by debt.
Another way that I am a minority right now is that I am a renter. I have written quite a few articles on why I am not buying a house now, and I truly believe that in San Mateo County I am building more wealth by renting rather than buying. Even though I will buy a house some day, I think it is good to have a different mindset right now.  I know many people jumped in to real estate because everyone was doing it in the past couple years. Now many of the same people are regretting their decisions. So in the particular case of real estate, I am glad that my husband and I did not decide to buy anything when we got married even though our parents wanted us to.
Finally, what is scary to me is that in America debt is considered normal. Dave Ramsey actually has a funny sticker that says, “Debt is normal, be weird!”. So when it comes to things such as debt and fashion, I don’t mind being in the minority. In fact, I think many people would be much more successful than they already are if they stopped trying to fit in and do their own thing. I know that peer pressure is a powerful force, but we have to be level headed and see if “normal” is really the best thing for our goals.
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5 comments ↓
wow . my first thought was , what is that person .
is he against everything ,
no cars , no home , no style , no ipod …etc .
i thought at first that it’s not good to be out of the world you live in .
yes you have the right to be the person you are .
yes you can do whatever you wanna do .
so my point is that ..
i’m with you in the freedom part and in the [ i don’t care about that ]. yup i do that all the time .
but life is totally unexpected and you can’t know what she carries to you .
you don’t have a car .. what if some thing urgent and you HAD to be some where asap [ life or death situation ]
your reasons is waterproof and there is no doubt that it works pretty good with many people .
but some times all you can do is just go with the flow .
Oh I think you misunderstood. I do have a car, but it is a car given to me by my mom. See this post: http://baglady.dreamhosters.com/2007/09/16/how-i-saved-over-30000-while-in-college-and-what-i-did-with-the-money/
I meant that I don’t need a Porsche, which I have wanted in the past and even though my coworkers have beamers and Mercedes, I don’t feel like I need to fit in.
Oh and by the way I am a woman, and hence the blog is named The Baglady.
I like how you think. I really don’t like all the many things people feel they have to do to fit in. I think it creates all kinds of problems (especially in kids). My 5 year old is the most unique person and I admire her for it and embrace it. Last year she wore a different costume to school everyday and this year it is pajamas. Her school pictures are in costumes and pajamas and I think that is neat because it is her. I hope once she gets older she will continue to be who she is and not swayed by society. Thanks for writing this.
Hurray to you!
I have a tendency to go with my own drummer, myself. For me, it’s the only way to be. Otherwise, I wouldn’t be being real. Sometimes I am the same as the flow, sometimes different.
Lisa
Hi BagLady!
Its nice that you are conservative spender ~ spending what you need rather than what you want.
I think that’s the problem with our society today. People always trying to fulfill their wants and not being content with just fulfilling their needs.
But I don’t think it is their fault. The media, advertisers, stores, all want you to buy their stuff! Their constant relentless message continuously tell us to buy because it makes us feel good or look good or create a certain status, etc.
And this is not just the manufacturer’s fault (to want us to buy ~ sometimes at whatever costs). Our parents play a pretty important role on how we view money, how we manage it and how we distinguish the ‘wants’ and ‘needs’.
Another big institution is our school system. They teach us to read, write, do math, science, etc ~ basically training us and preparing us for the work force. But they never ever teach us about managing our money.
There is a really good book that talks about this and I recommend everyone to at least browse thru it to get the important points - “Rich Dad, Poor Dad” by Robert T Kiyosaki.
In his book, he talks about how most of us mis-manages our finances no matter what income we have. And that is so true!
If a family has a low income, they really pick and choose what they spend their money on because basic survival is important. They have to pay rent, pay for food, their children’s basic essentials, etc, leaving very little disposable income to do other things.
A family in the middle class or upper class may have a high income. But if they keep wanting to “keep up the the Jones”, then they will spend more of their disposable income plus more (meaning they will draw from their credit cards) to get their ‘wants’.
I think personally, it is important to be somewhat conservative with your money, buying what you can afford rather than buying what you want.
But as a society as a whole, we cannot have everyone to save every penny that they have and not spend, thus you will find an economy that won’t grow. This is very evident in countries like Japan and China (tho China is changing nowadays). For the longest time, Japan had the highest savings but suffered the longest recession (in the 90’s).
The important point is that we should all learn to manage our money. It is one of the easiest things to manage in our lives. But it is our emotions that tells us that we ‘need’ to buy an Ipod or ‘need’ to buy the nicest & biggest homes when they are really a ‘want’ rather than ‘need’.
But it is okay to splurge a but on ourselves when we can afford it because heck, this is life and we need to enjoy it sometimes!
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