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I am so pissed off right now because my mother harassed me for 12 hours straight about my last post even after I took it off last night. Her harassment consisted of spamming this blog with comments and calling both my husband’s and my phones from 11pm to 7am. After my dad and husband both tried to convince her that I already took down the post she continued to harass me and I had to block her IP. Then my dad found out that she didn’t even read that I took down the post and just continued to harass me anyway. Because of this the both of us didn’t get a good night sleep. All I wrote about was that my parents bought two homes and lost money on the second home because it was bought at the peak of the housing bubble. This is probably a situation faced by many couples all across the world. I posted no names, no addresses, and no extremely private information. Past and present housing prices are all public information anyway so I don’t see what the big deal is on posting that without pinpointing the actual addresses.

Her argument was that I gave too much information about their personal finances without permission, but what I don’t understand is that they talk about their personal finances in detail all the time to everyone they know. They brag about the stocks they own, the houses they own, and their jobs constantly so I always had an impression that they are pretty open about this topic. They also tell their friends and friends of friends about my personal finance without my permission. This incident actually brought back the memory of when they bought the second home. When I went to see the place my mother flat out told the loan agent how much money I made at my job without prompting. Then the loan agent said to me, “you should buy a house.” This was when I was making $60,000 a year by myself, and THAT really pissed me off too. I felt like they were just mocking me for no reason and looking back it is like they are throwing me to the wolves of the real estate industry.

Dear readers, isn’t what they do to me much worse than anonymously telling random people about a nameless couple? The difference between what I wrote and what they do all the time is that what I wrote is anonymous and what they do actually affects me in real life because all those Chinese parents that they talk to know who I am and they tell their kids to look up to me because of how much money I make. I’ve actually been introduced by a Chinese dad to his daughter by my networth and that was rather disturbing. I really don’t want to be defined by my salary and networth and yet they continue to do exactly that without my permission. This is really a flaw of the Asian culture because so much of who you are is based on money, but I could really write an entire series of rants about Asians and money. It’s really bizarre and annoying to have such hypocritical parents, and on top of that for my mother to act like such a vainglorious and spoiled brat really amazed me.

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levitra doseon 11.02.07 at 4:36 pm

Your parents sound like the type that would accuse innocent boys of rape just because your bed is unmade.

levitra doseon 11.02.07 at 6:39 pm

hahahahahahahhahahahaa….ok..only i understood that joke.

levitra doseon 11.02.07 at 10:19 pm

Not sure how this post will help things, you dork ;)

levitra doseon 11.03.07 at 7:08 am

I’ve had to be really careful about how I discuss the real estate market when I’m around friends and family. Sometimes I get worked up or excited when I see the latest price drop or down-and-out flipper, and then I realize that many of the people I know and love are losing a lot of money. Sure, they gave me a hard time for not buying during the bubble, but to rub it in their face now will only damage our relationships.

I know it doesn’t seem fair; when the market was peaking the only thing my parents wanted to talk about was why I wasn’t buying. (At one family party, I had six relatives gang up on me and my reasoning.) But I’ve come to realize that the relationship is more important than being right.

levitra doseon 11.03.07 at 8:42 am

Wow, I believe that is an extreme reaction. First of, I am also Asian, living in the Bay Area. Many of my relatives (parents from both sides, in-laws, and actual ones) know I run the blog. I talk about them a lot completely anonymously and have no issues whatsoever, even if it seems “critical”. They understand that when I do so, it is to hopefully provide information/education to others. I find your mother’s reaction strange and maybe quite a bit paranoid. For the life of me, I cannot imagine this sort of reaction from anyone I know especially since references to them are purely anonymous. I have told my friends I wrote about them and they know where to read about themselves on my blog but they’ve never had a negative reaction at all. They think it is amusing, even if it is written with a bit of a critical light.

So I am extremely surprised your mother would be very affected by this — I think it is an overreaction.

levitra doseon 11.03.07 at 12:51 pm

Yeah, well. This is why I didn’t want to show my mom my blog. She got the address from my dad and started reading it and I knew sooner or later she was going to go extremely crazy. She already objected to the article I wrote about retirement savings and house savings even though it had nothing to do with her. Anyway, I hope she’ll stop reading now.

levitra doseon 11.03.07 at 4:16 pm

money is the root of all evil…and belgian waffles

levitra doseon 11.03.07 at 6:37 pm

hi Hoel… anyway, let me explain the joke in comment #1. This is the friend I wrote about in one of my blog posts. When we were 14 he came over to my house and just hung out. Being the silly boy he is he jumped all over my bed and made a mess. Then my mom came home and thought that we were doing something bad in bed. Then my mom accused us and made him feel weird about being my friend for quite a few months. So yes, she has a history of being paranoid. This situation just made that comment extra funny to me.

levitra doseon 11.06.07 at 3:24 pm

I dread the day that either one of my parents find my blog.

I have witnessed way too much of the brag/shame behavior that you discuss in this post. It seems people love to talk about about how much they have if they have way more, or way less than other people.

I really don’t get why so many people are so proud of how much money they make. If I see someone driving down the street in an expensive car obviously trying to show off their wealth, I just think, “Wow, another boring person going through a midlife crisis trying to compensate for something.” If I later meet them, I usually find out I was right.

levitra doseon 11.06.07 at 4:06 pm


I find it interesting that you’re a white guy with a Chinese dad. How does that work out?

levitra doseon 03.02.08 at 8:17 am

[...] don’t want people we know (families, friends) to find out because we’re not quite sure how they’d react, especially if we reference or feature some of their stories into our material, which we really [...]

levitra doseon 05.15.08 at 9:38 am

Got your blog from wise bread site. I like your insights and common sense. Chinese moms, I totally understand. I’ve seen and met quite a few who are totally paranoid and hypocritical. THe justifications and reasonings that they use tend to be circular and when you point this out to them they blow their top. Usually, I rely on my mother’s sound judgment and good common sense in a lot of things but somethings can cause an emotional tripwire that sets off this colossal drama bomb. If I could figure it out I would tell you how to avoid it, but I don’t know what it is.

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