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So a couple weeks ago I wrote about my and the article became quite popular. What I found quite entertaining is how people found that article through Google. Here’s a list of the various searches:

  1. my boyfriend is tight with money
  2. my boyfriend is cheap
  3. my boyfriend doesn’t like to pay
  4. stingy boyfriend
  5. my boyfriend never pays for my movie tickets
  6. why doesn’t my wealthy boyfriend buy me anything (this is my favorite)

It seems that a lot of these women are searching for answers to why their boyfriends are so cheap. In a funny way it reminded me of my grandmother who still complains that my granddad is so cheap that he bought only sweet yams for their dates. She says she really expected her future husband to buy her some good meat to eat. Well, now they’ve been married for 54 years and the world has changed quite a bit, but it seems that men are still expected to woo a woman by pulling out their wallets. Why is this still the social norm now that a lot of women have their own incomes and careers? What do women really expect men to spend in a courtship?

I think most boys in this country are taught at a young age that they will need to spend money on women. For example, my hubby went to an all boys Catholic high school and he said that’s where he learned women are expensive. He had a class called Christian Lifestyles and his teacher brought in a vacuum sealed wedding dress belonging to the missus. Then the teacher threw the dress on the floor and stepped on it and said something along the lines of “I spent so much money on this useless piece of clothing! Women are expensive!”. In addition to education at school, the media also does a good job in popularizing the notion that a man only has to be wealthy to attract women. I completely understand why other women want men with money from the biological perspective of child rearing. Generally raising children takes a lot of resources and a wealthy man is more attractive because his money is a security blanket for starting a family. However, a lot of women don’t want children, but they still expect their men to take care of them and in this case I think when men spend money it shows a willingness to provide.

Personally, I do not want my hubby to spend a lot of money on me, because I don’t see money as an expression of love. The other day I asked my hubby if he were glad that I am not an expensive wife, and he said, ” you ARE expensive!” Then I asked him why he thinks so and he replied, “you’re expensive because you suck my time and sanity, and those things can’t be recovered. Money can be replaced!” I think he was just joking. The hubby has found out a long time ago that I prefer his time much more than gifts that can be bought. He has given me some very cool and romantic gifts that he spent a lot of time and effort on. For example, he wrote my name in gold molecules with an electron microscope and sent me the finished product which was about 10 nanometers wide. I thought it was an awesomely geeky gift. He said that he heard of a book called and figured out that I like love to be expressed as quality time. He is a very smart man, and that’s why I married him.

Can the issue of money really be removed from human courtship? I am not sure. But I propose a challenge to all the Google users with cheap boyfriends: ask yourselves what your “love language” is. Do you really want your boyfriend/husband to spend more money on you? Or do you just want them to spend more time with you and shower you with love and affection?

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