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Hey,
In Germany, where my mom is from, traditional houses are built in an apartment style, where you have like two or three almost completely separate living spaces in the same house. My grandparents’ house has three storeys, and each storey has its own kitchen, bathroom, family room, bedrooms, etc. It is expected that at least one or two of the kids will live with the parents even after they’re married. I think some of that is changing now because mobility is increasing with education, so kids are moving to the city or out of the country or whatever.
Anyway, it’s a difficult perspective for Americans to see because here, if you live at home, chances are your parents cook and clean, do the laundry, pay all the bills, and so on, which does lead to the children not really growing up and becoming independent.
It’s very unfortunate that houses here aren’t built with those thoughts in mind, because like your colleague says, keeping money in the family is a great way to increase wealth.
Hi Jon,
For a very long time in China several generations lived together. Sons are expected to return home with their wives and take care of their parents, and the parents took care of the grand children. It still works this way in many Chinese households and it’s almost like a social contract. That doesn’t seem to be the tradition in America so it’s curious that adult children sometimes feel entitled to the free lodging and services their parents provide. It may be some sort of cultural misunderstanding because some of these parents that allow limitless leeching are definitely first generation immigrants and expect their children to be home with them. However, their children are totally Americanized and do not intend to take care of their parents. I certainly do not expect my children to take care of me, and so if they’re fully capable of living on their own I would like them to do it.
[...] Eric presents When Saying No Helps Your Family posted at A Penny Closer. This is a well written story about a truly horrible situation. You have to read this article to see why I found this story to be the most upsetting and scary. People really just have to say no to family members that mooch continuously and that is why I say parents should make their adult children pay rent. [...]
Unless the young adult is a complete bum and does nothing, making them pay is absolutely ridiculous.
I’m with James. I’m a little older now and my parents told me I’d have to pay rent, too. So, I didn’t move home, and I didn’t make an extra-special effort to drive home often. My rationale was that, if they wanted me, they had their chance.
Now, my youngest sister lives at home and my mom changed her tactics. She requires my sister to set aside ‘rent’ money every month, but she’ll get it all back when she moves out. So, basically, it’s a savings plan to keep her from spending all her pay.
It’s interesting to me that people think of it as mooching. It’s a mentality that will come back to bite most parents: when the choice is between putting mom and dad in a ‘senior care home’ or re-arranging your own life to take care of them at home, most people are going to weigh how much their parents were willing to accomodate them when they make their decision.
So the answer is to threaten your parents about taking care of them 50 years down the road? How old are you, 16? You better hope they don’t have long term care or you’ll have no inheritance at all will you?
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