When I graduated from college and got my first job my mom said to me, “if you want to live at home it’s fine, but you’d have to pay rent.” I didn’t want to live at home at all because it would take a 1.5 hour trek across the Bay Bridge to get to work. If you’ve ever been on the “MacArthur Maze” you’d know why I do not want to drive through that deathtrap everyday. So I packed my suitcase and moved to San Mateo and my parents breathed a sigh of relief.
I have met quite a few “boomerang kids” since then. They are mostly young adults who have well paying jobs. Most of the ones I know that do not pay room and board to their parents are young Chinese men. This may be a cultural thing because in China sons are especially coddled. One woman read my story about my “Super Cheap Ex-boyfriend” and said that she’s very afraid that her child will return home and mooch off of her. My answer to this is that these parents need to grow a backbone and ask their kids for compensation or ask them to move out.
Here’s an example of a family that’s got it figured out. At work I met a girl who happened to be the same age as me and also attended the same school as me. We became good friends and I found out that she lives at home, but her mom takes a bank draft of $1000 from her account every month. She says that she doesn’t want to move out because her parents cleans and cooks, and they no longer give her a curfew. Her parents have sort of become her roommates and landlords. Her other reason for not moving out is that she’s keeping the money in the family. Since she’s an only child her parents’ assets will eventually be hers.
If I had kids with good jobs that wanted to move back in with me I would ask them for rent at market price. If they really can’t afford it then I would rent to them at the Section 8 rate or 30% of their gross income, whichever is lower. I may ask them for a bit over the market price if they are paid very well just so that I encourage them to find a place themselves. If they don’t have a job then I will make them get one as soon as possible and then repay the rent they owe as soon as they are able. I probably don’t need the money, but a lot of parents nearing retirement do need the money. The point is that so many people my age need to learn what the real costs of living are and budget and save accordingly. Children cannot depend on their parents forever, and parents need to learn to let go and give their kids a little nudge out the door.
Related Posts
Don’t Let Bad Luck Determine Your FutureAre parents obligated to pay for their children’s college or graduate education?
Are We Meant To Be Homeowners?
The Cost of Living in Paradise Redux – A Financial Project All Young People Could Do
How Fair is My Rent?
6 comments ↓
Hey,
In Germany, where my mom is from, traditional houses are built in an apartment style, where you have like two or three almost completely separate living spaces in the same house. My grandparents’ house has three storeys, and each storey has its own kitchen, bathroom, family room, bedrooms, etc. It is expected that at least one or two of the kids will live with the parents even after they’re married. I think some of that is changing now because mobility is increasing with education, so kids are moving to the city or out of the country or whatever.
Anyway, it’s a difficult perspective for Americans to see because here, if you live at home, chances are your parents cook and clean, do the laundry, pay all the bills, and so on, which does lead to the children not really growing up and becoming independent.
It’s very unfortunate that houses here aren’t built with those thoughts in mind, because like your colleague says, keeping money in the family is a great way to increase wealth.
Hi Jon,
For a very long time in China several generations lived together. Sons are expected to return home with their wives and take care of their parents, and the parents took care of the grand children. It still works this way in many Chinese households and it’s almost like a social contract. That doesn’t seem to be the tradition in America so it’s curious that adult children sometimes feel entitled to the free lodging and services their parents provide. It may be some sort of cultural misunderstanding because some of these parents that allow limitless leeching are definitely first generation immigrants and expect their children to be home with them. However, their children are totally Americanized and do not intend to take care of their parents. I certainly do not expect my children to take care of me, and so if they’re fully capable of living on their own I would like them to do it.
[...] Eric presents When Saying No Helps Your Family posted at A Penny Closer. This is a well written story about a truly horrible situation. You have to read this article to see why I found this story to be the most upsetting and scary. People really just have to say no to family members that mooch continuously and that is why I say parents should make their adult children pay rent. [...]
Unless the young adult is a complete bum and does nothing, making them pay is absolutely ridiculous.
I’m with James. I’m a little older now and my parents told me I’d have to pay rent, too. So, I didn’t move home, and I didn’t make an extra-special effort to drive home often. My rationale was that, if they wanted me, they had their chance.
Now, my youngest sister lives at home and my mom changed her tactics. She requires my sister to set aside ‘rent’ money every month, but she’ll get it all back when she moves out. So, basically, it’s a savings plan to keep her from spending all her pay.
It’s interesting to me that people think of it as mooching. It’s a mentality that will come back to bite most parents: when the choice is between putting mom and dad in a ’senior care home’ or re-arranging your own life to take care of them at home, most people are going to weigh how much their parents were willing to accomodate them when they make their decision.
So the answer is to threaten your parents about taking care of them 50 years down the road? How old are you, 16? You better hope they don’t have long term care or you’ll have no inheritance at all will you?
Leave a Comment