Comments on: Have You Experienced the “Mommy Wars”?

By: Saira

Saira — Tue, 09 Sep 2008 00:54:41 +0000

The thing that annoys me about the “Mommy Wars” is that both sides seem to think they know what’s best for the other. Individual women have different personalities, and their families have different needs. When these women are calling one another’s lives and decision “sad,” what they’re really saying is, “Everyone else is secretly like me and my family.” I think that’s incredibly arrogant (and ignorant) on their part.

By: winona

winona — Tue, 30 Oct 2007 02:07:45 +0000

A very good thoughtful post. I don’t have kids yet but definitely plan to work. I think it’s important for me to be a part of the larger world and I am horrible at domestic stuff. Plus, my husband freelances and we need my steady income and health benefits.
I think the mommy wars present an interesting dilemma for money-related bloggers. On the one hand, I noticed that many preach frugality and say it’s better to rely on one income (usually dad works; mom stays home and becomes an excellent coupon clipper). On the other hand, money bloggers preach the benefits of investing at a young age and the value of compounding interest. In other words, if a woman did not drop out of the work force, she will probably save more money just because her money will have more time to increase. So which is it?
It’s not a decision to be made solely on finances of course. I just know that my mom ‘had’ to work and my siblings and I really think she is the best mother in the world even if she was a SAHM.

By: Deb

Deb — Mon, 01 Oct 2007 20:52:52 +0000

Some parents are left with no choice. My kids are 6 and 4 now, but when they were 3 and 1, they both developed speech issues. At the time, I was doing daycare out of my home, and had to stop because the parents of the kids I watched forbid their kids to go anywhere in my car. My children were diagnosed and then enrolled in a 2 hour toddler group. My youngest could not attend my older childs class, and vice versa. One day a week hubby had to stay home while I took each one to their class. I had to close my daycare, and now I am still home with both kids! I love it, and we have made sacrifices along the way, but its worth it to make sure they are properly achieving their milestones!

By: Dawn

Dawn — Sat, 29 Sep 2007 22:40:51 +0000

//I think women don’t think about the earning potential they are giving up, not to mention the freedom, sense of purpose/identity, and intellectual stimulation you get from a career. They simply think of what’s best for the child NOW.//

That might be true to some but I think it might be underestimating how much some of us SAHMs weigh our choices. In my case it wasn’t about what was best for my child when I made the decision but how having a parent at home in our situation would benefit our children in the long term.

Notice I said, “in our situation.” I acknowledge that it’s very different for many other women.

We were a low income family but my salary, as small as it was despite working almost full-time, was eaten up in expenses related to work. Aside from money other considerations were a chaotic schedule for my daughter (when you’re low income there’s a greater chance you’re working awful and unstable shifts) and no one on the homefront looking after cleaning, meals, budgets, etc.

Add to that the decision we made to homeschool our kids and being a SAHM became my role.

I would definitely agree with the idea that in can be intelecctually deadly. However, that is within a mom’s control. It took me awhile to figure that out though. Now however I take a history/religion/philosophy course, sing in a choir, research interests on the internet…Lots of stuff to keep boredom at bay. And my kids are getting older and more interesting. Surprisingly I’ve also found that in the role of homemaker I’ve become more confident, free and have a firmer sense of myself then I ever had before.

One thing I’ve wondered though, how much the way modern families are often isolated from relatives can play into the stresses of both working outside the home or being a housewife. I’ve probably had an easier go in part because I have a lot of family around me and so a lot of support.

Regardless, good discussion. I hate the ”Mommy war” label myself and would much rather figure out how we could help each other in the roles we choose.

By: This Week’s Carnivals and Festivals — The Baglady

This Week’s Carnivals and Festivals — The Baglady — Wed, 26 Sep 2007 00:16:04 +0000

[...] we have the All Women Blogging Carnival at SultanaBlog. The Baglady’s article on the “mommy wars” has been included. This article has attracted some very thoughtful and detailed comments that I [...]